Saturday, March 14, 2009

Angels and Reflections

Alright, well first, before I go off into my self centered post for the day, let me ask a question. Do you find yourself reflecting on things a lot? Or even just thinking about something frequently, whether it be past, present, or hopeful future? I'd love to hear what's been on your mind, please share!

For me, it's obvious at this point in my life most of my thoughts revolve around my children. Infact, my entire DAY revolves around my children. This week has been fairly rough, what with having a near-ansomniac of an infant, rainy cold weather, being couped up in the house, and finding that it doesn't matter how much I clean or pick up, the next day it still looks as if I'd never touched a damn thing. Frustrating? Yes. Tiresome? Even more so. Worth it? Totally.

My husband tends to stare at me with wide, blank eyes when he considers the idea of staying
 with the girls all by his lonesome for more than a few hours. He thinks he won't know what to do. But that's what parenting is all about, like one big science experiment. Hypothesising, testing, conjuring up theories . . . the only difference between a Science Experiment and raising a child is instead of immediate results, you have to wait 20 - 30 years to get them. And although I feel like ripping all of my hair out more frequent than I should -- or want to hand the baby to husband, take the keys and leave for a day . . . or two or three -- when I look down to see the beautiful face of an angel sleeping in my arms, or check on my big girl to see her sleeping so sweetly (she's grown sooo much!), my day of chaos and insanity is totally worth it. I'm willing to give everything I am to these girls, willing to sacrafice my sanity temporarily until we all get this life of 4 down. I love them so much. Wild, fussy, non-stop talking kids at day, but my sweet, sweet angels at night.

So when I'm stuck in the rocking chair with my baby who has issues with getting herself to sleep (I say stuck because I'm one of those people who thrive on multitasking and getting things done, not because I loathe rocking my child to sleep), most of myreflections center on my two girls: 
what I could've done better that day (more patience), what my favorite part was (the cute things big girl says), what I'll do differently/better tomorrow (patience, spending more one on one time with big girl), etc. My other thoughts revolve around 1: my book and the parts I'm revising (it plays like a movie in my head, love it!), 2. My own personal childhood compared to what I'm trying to provide for our girls and 3. My unknown future, including if we'll all still be here the end of 2012 (hey, I have a very open mind ya know).

It goes deeper than that at times. Thoughts I can't figure out how to get into words. I think a lot. Not as much as I use to since now my only quiet thinking time is when I'm rocking baby to sleep (it was driving up until big girl learned how to carry conversations, now it's non-stop jibber jabber). It makes me nostalgic, distant, and well . . . thoughtful. What about you?

(Top is big girl, second is big girl as baby, and last is new baby girl.)


  1. Adorable angels! Honestly, I think a lot of the first 6 or so years with my babies born so close together is now a blur. Was too tired to do much thinking, and Dad was working on the road most the year. Exhaustion + sleep deprivation = jello brain. :)

    Your thoughts about children and your own childhood might make their way into a story or book one day.

  2. Ya think? You're probably right :P And I totally understand the jello brain!!! I've been that way for a few months now lol. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. I admire you. I just want you to know that. Staying home with two kids is not easy. I tried to stay home with my first one and managed nine months. But I just couldn't do it. As I look back now I know it was best for my kids that I worked.

    Even when I ended up with my dream job of being able to write an do radio from home, I sent my youngest to day care part of the day. The oldest was in kindergarten at the time. I just couldn't get anything done and I felt like I ran in circles all day.

    I know it isn't easy, but I admire you that you are able to do so much, even sleep deprived. You have an incredible energy and I know good things are coming to you.

    And make your husband read this part... These are his children too, and caring for them is a gift. Being a good dad an change the life of the child, and he is well on his way. I could tell that from just the few moments I met him. It's not babysitting when a man looks after their own children. LOL. Though many of them tend to look at it that way. My husband used to watch the kids on the weekends for me so I could go do whatever. I needed that freedom in a big way. He was so good about that. And I'm so grateful.

    I won't say taking care of two gets any easier, but it is doubly rewarding. :-)


  4. Aww! haha, sleeping kids are the cutest! :)

  5. What beautiful daughters you have! I have two girls, born three years apart. They are 3 & 6 now. It is neat to see their friendship blossom.

  6. Candy, you are an absolute doll and I'm so blessed I know you! Thank you for your words, they were very uplifting. And I'll be sure to have hubby read!

    Thanks Amy, I agree!

    And Suz, that's the part I can't wait for! When they start playing with each other and begin a life long friendship. I never had a sister, or a sibling that lived with me that I could get close to. It's going to be great watching them grow into this!


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