Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Teaser Tuesday

I've finally succumbed to peer pressure! Apparently, Tuesdays are for teasers. All my other writer friends are doing it, so I might as well join the bandwagon.  For anyone who isn't aware, these will be little excerpts from my writing. The one below is from my completed manuscript (that I've been tweaking). This piece is new, something I added after my epiphany for revisions. Enjoy!

Random question of the week: How is it when I drive, I never see an animal crossing the road, but I always see dead corpses like possums, skunks and armadillo's. How'd they get there if I never see them?!

Random tidbit: I'm hoping to interview author Candace Haven's for a late April blog.

And without further ado:

***

Kaden’s body froze. The power of the Darkness surged through her and she let it go with one long exhale.  A twinge of guilt flitted through her. It confused her, she rarely experienced guilt. Stronger than that, however, was the anger and confusion at why he’d tried attacking her in the first place.

“You should’ve known better. I’m a mage!” Not that he could reply back, being paralyzed and all. She glared at the tip of his sword inches from penetrating her wounded shoulder.

Why? Why heal her then try to kill her? It didn’t make any sense. She’d made a poor choice in spells, with him like this he couldn’t answer the question. Lusa glared at Kaden, fighting the unnatural impulse the Dark Magics fed her. Kill him. The words echoed in her ears a hundred times, sure to drive her mad the longer she resisted them. She had to release them in some manner or else she would go insane.

Telekina sword.”

With a popping sound, Kaden’s sword pulled out of his grip and flew to Lusa. She snatched it midair and waited for her paralyzing spell to fade. Her glowering hadn’t faltered during the minutes that passed.

A few tilyungarians had glanced down the alley but did good to keep to their business. In the mood she was in, it wouldn’t take much to make one of those lizard-men zap to dust. Kaden’s fingers began to twitch and Lusa straightened.

“You’re going to tell me everything, unless you want to end up the receiving end of a fire ball.”

The smirk he offered agitated her more and she growled her question. “Why? Why offer to help me and then do this?”

“Bounty hunter, ‘member?” He jabbed a thumb at his chest and it surprised Lusa she didn’t have to do much more to get answers from him.

His reply made her feel a bit on the foolish side and with a wave of her hand and a quick spell, his sword hung in the air, blade at his neck.

Woah, woah.” He held up his arms. “Can’t get answers from a corpse, mage.”

If there was a spell for that, she wished she knew it. Lusa stood fisted, glaring up at him through her lashes. “Tell me everything.”

Ain’t much to tell. Bounty out for mages. Nothin’ personal, see?”

The words were a blow to her chest. If he was lying, he was good. “Why?”


9 comments:

  1. Lots of action here! Lusa sounds very kick ass. :)

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  2. Very nice! Me like.

    One thing confused me, though, in the beginning. The first sentence is about Kaden, then the second sentence is about "she." It took me a minute to realize Kaden wasn't the she of the second sentence. Could just be because I wasn't already immersed in your world.

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  3. Thanks guys! Yeah, Inky, there's a line right before the para I started it in that establishes her being there, I just started it here for word length reasons on the blog :P Sorry!

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  4. Okay, first an admission. I started reading the bit about roadkill, and thought it was your teaser! Great voice -- you should do something with that. LOL.

    I like your characterization a lot. I got a strong sense of mage with considerable power, but one who uses her power a little impulsively. Casting the spell to defeat the opponent and then having to wait for it to end is a really nice touch.

    One nitpick based on a pet peeve that dates back (a long way back!) to D&D games in my best friend's basement. "Paralyzed" makes me think "limp," like people are when they're actually paralyzed. Then I find out the guy is frozen in mid-stride, and it's a bit of a jolt.

    I'm probably the only one who would even notice it, and you'd think I'd have gotten used to it by now. :)

    Great work, Crista!

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  5. I really like where you're going on revisions, especially with the voice. It feels fresh for a traditional fantasy. Since I know a little about where this comes in the story, my one thought is kill the "I'm a mage" line. He obviously knows it and the reader's been informed since page one. Unless there's a specific reason to repeat it here that I'm not getting from the excerpt, I'd take it out.

    If you haven't noticed, my rententive crit streak has to do with repetition. Me hates it.

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  6. I love it. I think you use some powerful words here.

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  7. Carmen, Gretchen, Tasha, thanks you guys :) And lol on the roadkill. Maybe I can put this voice in my next wip :P

    Gretchen, great points. I also noticed she glares a lot within two para's. Looking forward to next Tuesday. This is fun! :)

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