Monday, January 18, 2010

Teaser Tuesaday - Mythic

This piece is from chapter 8. Jessa is back home from her trip to Greece, and nothing strange or abnormal has happened for a few days. I wanted to post more of the beginning of this scene but it would put it really close to 1K, so I sort of skipped to the action part (cause, as some of you know, it's my fav). Basically, garage band rehearsal with her friends Mike and Lizzie and then in the middle of playing, Mike falls to the ground (asleep).

In other news, I've started plotting for the new WIP, yippee!


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The stark silence following literally hurt. My ears rang, head pounding. And a familiar white noise replaced the silence. Lizzie slumped over in her stool, face resting on a drum. Fear climbed up my chest to my throat and squeezed. Holy crap. It was happening again.

I felt him before I saw him. Slowly, I turned in my black Sketchers, breaths fast, hands trembling. Standing in the middle of the garage threshold was the yellow-eyed Hypnos.

“Hello, Jessa.” He flashed a predatory smile.

I couldn’t think, breathe, move, paralyzed by total horror. A blur of color flashed behind Hypnos just as he advanced.

I gasped and stumbled back into the drum set. Paul slammed into Hypnos and sent him halfway across the lawn. He gave me a quick glance. “Don’t move!” He ran out of sight, followed by guy-fighting noises.

Yeah, me move? Totally wouldn’t be a problem. My stomach burned like I’d downed ten shots of vodka. Mike and Lizzie were still out cold. Did whatever Hypnos do hurt them in some way? Anger etched its way around my fright. A strange sense of protectiveness budded in my nerves, blooming in my chest, giving me the courage to collect myself. I needed to see how Paul was doing, because I was definitely rooting for him to kick this bastard’s ass. Especially off my friggin’ property.

My feet finally heard my mental command and I got as far as the driveway before a black sort of smog streaked towards my house. It hovered a millisecond over Paul and Hypnos thrashing each other around at lightning speed before it seemed to turn its attention on me. What the hell, now smog was out to get me?

I stepped back as it floated over my driveway and took form. My breath fled from lungs, my knees went weak. I couldn’t forget the face of my killer.

Death.

To say Death was beautiful was an insult. His skin seemed to shimmer under the sun, his piercing grey eyes lined with thick lashes. His blond, nearly white hair, swayed against his jaw line which promised me a breathtaking smile, if I’d actually had any breath left to take.

Screw this. I spun and bolted through my garage, not sure how I’d escape but determined to try. The door swung off the hinges with a yank and, wait a minute, did I just pull a door off? No time to think. I sprinted down the hallway and passed my sleeping mother at the kitchen bar. I wheezed, grasping what little air I had in my lungs, fighting to keep it together enough to form a plan. The junk drawer.

I stormed across the kitchen tile and pulled open the drawer. It flew off, crap flying all over the place. In panic, I fell to my knees and searched. My fingers curled around my literal nectar of life and I put the inhaler to my mouth.

“It’s pointless to try and run.” Thanatos materialized in front of the stove, not at all like the poofing thing Paul did.

I screamed and scrambled to my feet. My inhaler clanked to the floor. “Shit!” I kept my eyes on him, kneeling and backing up at the same time, blindly searching for my inhaler.

Thanatos laughed beneath his tight smile, running his fingers along the counter, finding my mom’s hair and playing with it.

“Don’t touch her.” My words were breathless and weak. The cylindrical plastic feel of my inhaler bumped against my fingers and I snatched it, sprung up, and pumped all at once. Not that healthy lungs would do me any good seeing as Death was about to take me. “What do you want with me?”

He stopped advancing me in his slow, creepy way, and cocked his head to the side. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Smart ass.

14 comments:

  1. Great action and voice in this scene--WOOT!

    I think the second sentence, it should be "head pounded" tho, rather than "pounding?" Just bc I know you're revising. :)

    Great stuff!

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  2. "guy-fighting noises" made me laugh and invoked an interesting picture (or should that be sound?) in my mind. I also really liked your description of death and your MC's voice definitely draws me in.

    Also Paul's "poofing thing" made me chuckle. Keep it coming :)

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  3. well you already have my comments but i wanted to offer another woot cuz i love this story! i want to know what's planned for The new WIP!

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  4. The ending totally cracks me up. Love the description of death too. Of course, I'm loving the whole thing!

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  5. Thanks guys! Thanks hound :) And the new WIP wasn't related to this but now I feel like I need to make it related to this lol. I've never been one who can do more than one project at a time. Shoot, now I'm gonna have to decide...

    Thanks again for the feedback, peeps!

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  6. Heehee.
    The one part that really sticks with me is the lyrical description of death, very ethereal followed by the next line:

    "Screw this."

    Lovely mix of the fantastical and the 'real world'

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  7. Great action, Christa! This is fast paced, vivid and interesting. I love the description of death.

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  8. lmao, LOVE the last two lines! "Isn't it obvious?"... "Smart ass." Despite the tension and coming angst, it adds just the right amount of levity. LOVE it!

    Like everyone else, I love the action and Death's description. He actually sounds kinda cute, lol. (I'm demented, so don't worry ;) )

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  9. "Isn't it obvious?"

    Loved it. I could see the action and that last line was great.

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  10. 0_0

    That... is incredible. I was hooked from the beginning, and stayed hooked through it all.

    Though I have to wonder at how old the character is, and if she'd really know what vodka felt like in the stomach. (Going off the assumption that this is a YA, of course.)

    "His skin seemed to shimmer under the sun..." I giggled. I couldn't help it. It made me think of sparkling vampires.

    Loved it, and I would love to see more!

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  11. Thanks guys! Jen, heh, I giggled about the shimmering, too ;) And, having once been a teen myself, I knew what vodka felt like :P I'm not going to assume every gal out there is a Mary Sue who hasn't had vodka before, nor am I saying they should, but I can't help what my MC makes me write sometimes, it just comes out ;-) Thanks so much for the read!

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  12. Great action and description, and I love the voice. I can feel her age group just by how she talks. And my faves were "guy-fighting" noises...love that! And when he played with her mom's hair. Very creepy and sadistic. Great job!

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  13. Wow, lots happening here, and a lovely combination of humor and horror. I too loved the "guy-fighting" line and found Thanatos playing with her mother's hair ominous. Nice job, CC. I haven't seen much of your work before, but you definitely have me hooked.

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  14. Thanks so much everyone! I'm psyched with this and can't wait to find my rock star to sell it. :-D

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