ChristaCarol Jones

Hello 2012, where the heck did YOU come from?

2012-01-03T00:07:00.001-06:00

I feel horrible about not updating as much as I probably should. I know some people only hear about Alaina's updates via this. Any family reading this, know you can find me at facebook: http://www.facebook.com/christacarol I'm about to go through and start removing people I don't really REALLY know just because I do put so much family stuff about the kids on there.

ANYWAY. HAPPY 2012!! Can you believe it? I can't. Man, what a year. I'll have to be honest, I can't even remember much prior to June 24, 2011: Alaina's diagnosis. 6 months....SWOOOSH. Went by so quick. And both her, and baby Anderson, have been growing, growing, growing! Averie has sort of stopped for the moment. Which is fine by me!

As for Alaina's treatment, she is now a quarter into her newest phase called Delayed Intensification. So....what this means is, the week of Christmas, she began steroids. We were concerned on what our Christmas would end up like, because we were use to the "Alaina on steroids for a month" back during her first month of treatment. Surprisingly, though, she did great. She was obviously not herself. And it reminded me of that first month-to-two months of treatment when I thought she was depressed....I think the steroids just make her feel off, so it was a bit sad because she wasn't her boisterous, happy-go-lucky self Christmas morning with all the toys, etc. But, she also wasn't a raging almost-3-year-old either. She didn't beat anyone up! I don't even think her sister....though I am pretty sure they had some good fights. Nothing out of the norm, though. Her appetite, however, was a huge change. The girl can EAT.

Back to her treatment...the first week, which was the week of Christmas, she began her steroids, got a spinal tap with 2 chemos and a diff. steroid, and 3 other chemos....2 which were new. Vinecristine, our old friend, she gets weekly. It causes a droopy eye sometimes, and joint pain/aches. The two new ones are: Doxerubicine...which I think causes nausau because the first week she complained badly about her "mouth". At first we thought it was jaw pain from the vinecristine, or maybe acid reflux from the steroids, but finally I asked, "does it feel like you have to burp up? (her term for throwing up)" She nodded, so I gave her zofran. As long as I keep her with zofran and Visteril (I'm butchering these words with spelling) for two days after getting the chemo, she seems fine. I try not to do so much visteril if she seems ok because it makes her very sleepy. The last new chemo is Erwinia. Erwinia Aspareginaise is the replacement to PEG-Aspariginaise. The PEG was what she was deathly allergic to back in the fall when she had an anaphalactic reaction. The difference is PEG is long lasting...stays in the system.....Erwinia does not, so we have to go 6 times to the clinic (a one hour infusion via IV and then an hour wait for reactions) versus the one time with the PEG. Which also means we're at the clinic a lot again because we go 3 times every week to get this, with one of those days the day she gets her other chemos. Erwinia isn't suppose to cause vomitting/queesiness, but it does with Alaina, as we found out the first day...a few hours later she threw up, poor thing :( Our first experience with chemo and vomiting since her anaphalactic reaction to the PEG. She was NOT a happy camper that day.

Then we were off a week from the steroids. All of those chemo and the steroids were one week (of Christmas), then off a week except for the chemos, which was last week. And now starting tomorrow, she is on steroids again for a week. She's a big girl about taking them, though. She use to take the liquid which supposidly tastes like hell but worse, so I thought since she takes her zofran in pill form with sugar and water I could do the same with her steroids. She doesn't fuss as much, but it still must be bitter.

The next half of this phase is 20ish days, requires 2 spinal taps, another 6 visits for Erwinia in the end, a new oral chemo we give by mouth every night at home, Cyclophosphamede once, which is an 8 hour process at the clinic, some familiar chemos, and then ARAC, which is another familiar chemo, but one she'd had the first 4 months of her treatment....and the one I think caused her hair to fall out. So....I'm nervous about that. Her hair has grown so much, every day there looks to be more!

So, now that I'm done writing a novel about her treatment, I'm happy to say we had a wonderful Christmas season with family and friends, and I hope you did as well. I was asked a question in a new year survey about whether or not I am richer or poorer versus the last year....I had to answer richer, but not by monetary means. I've made some very good friends, before and during this craziness that is cancer. I'm so very, very blessed. I have to say....God really must love me!! He's given me so many wonderful people in my life, and my amazing family as well.

I know there was more I wanted to share...there always is....but I also know people don't care to read my novel-length posts...so I'll jot down my notes and save them for my next post....assuming it isn't 2 months way!

Shine On in 2012!

There's No Place Like Home: Keeping Positive

2011-11-06T00:13:00.002-05:00

Dorothy says it best. "There's no place like home." While it's no surprise I easily throw that quote around what with Av being in The Wizard of Oz (munchkin!) it rings so true right now. After 4 days of our second hospital stay in this phase called Interim Maintenance, I'm SO glad to be home and to have our family under one roof. So is Alaina. So is Chad. Well, everyone is. I even think Anderson missed me!And I know sweet Averie did. I have to say, she's still the best bigger sister ever. She really tries to understand everything going on.

I'm so blessed to have such amazing kids!

A lot of people say to me, "I don't know how you do it." Quite frankly, I'm with them. All I can conclude is that God is up there lending me a strong helping hand. Because there are several times I find myself staring into the mirror waiting for me to crack. Anderson turned 4 months two weeks ago....and the day after that marked our four month venture with leukemia.

4 months. It's crazy that much time has passed, yet at the same time, it feels like we've been here forever. I'd like to say the Induction phase was the hardest...it was the first phase, when she was diagnosed and had to be in the hospital for 3 weeks, and I'd just had Anderson and was toting him along with me back and forth from the hospital to home. But I'm not so sure. Then, when something like that crashes into your life, you kind of live off adrenaline. That rush of, "Holy hell, what just happened to our life?" mixed with, "I can't stop. Got to keep going or everything might fall a part."

The next phase was Consolidation. It was more just a pain int he ass than hard, really. Of course, the best part of Consolidation was the beginning when we got the news Alaina was officially in remission. The bad news was that she was/is high risk...meaning the cancer she had was aggressive, which means her treatment will be aggressive, too. So while standard risk patients get a bit of a reprieve during Consolidation, Alaina was going in for chemo 4 days a week for 2 weeks, 2 weeks off with oral chemo but still trips to the clinic for blood and platelet transfusions, and then this pattern repeated for two months. Through all of this we had her many allergic reactions, two emergency room visits, one for fever, the other for leg pain that resulted in hospital admittance and a week in the hospital after hip surgery for fluid on her hip joint....which also resulted and various allergic reactions to antibiotics and drugs. Then there was her ambulance trip to the hospital when she had anafolactic reaction to one of her chemos. Then a week after that she was said to have scabies so we were all treated for that.

Today her skin still isn't back to normal, she has 5 allergies listed on her bracelet, she doesn't eat much (but what she does eat is generally healthy so that's good, and bad when trying to get calories in her!) and she throws the worst temper tantrums I've ever seen, not to mention her night terrors. I never knew how rare night terrors were until the nurse practitioner gave me a sheet about them. I forget the percentage, but it was low....a lot of people confuse bad nightmares with night terrors, but I can say I know the difference first hand. The worst was a little over a week ago. She screams, cries, kicks, hits, thrashes around on her bed and I'm not entirely sure when she actually woke up during this. Nothing consoled her. We had to move Anderson to our room, and we couldn't leave her alone like we might do when she throws a tantrum (set her in her room until she calms down or we can calm her down)....we tried that and she became a danger to herself, wedging herself between the headboard and the wall. It took me breaking down in front of her to calm her down....she immediately stopped, asked why I was crying, and proceeded to let bunny shower me with kisses...which I have to admit, made me cry even more.

The thing is, she had night terrors before she was diagnosed, but with everything going on, they've just gotten worse. And as for her tantrums, I'm so afraid she's going to end up spoiled or bratty because she knows how to throw some really nasty ones. She screams at the top of her lungs and is too smart to be distracted or manipulated. And she's a persistent little booger. But she can also be mean and rough with Averie and Anderson. Chad and I have been talking about play therapy. As tough as she seems and as good as she's been handling her new life, she's obviously got to be having some issues and she's two, so I mean, it's not like you can really talk about them.

Anyway, this is turning out long. In this phase we're in, which I have to say I'm liking far less than the other previous two, we have to stay in the hospital for 4-5 days for chemotherapy every other week, pending how her counts (immune system, oxygen in blood, and platelets....the ability to clot blood) are doing. They have to meet a certain level before they'll proceed with the next hospital chemo, because other wise she'll have nothing left. We do this a total of four times. We just finished our second, which had us in there from Tuesday until Friday night. Being in the hospital is exhausting. Especially when your very active two-year-old is bound to an IV machine and can't do as much as she'd like. She gets frustrated about it and takes it out on whoever is around her, but luckily only during private. She's great with everyone at the hospital and LOVES the play room. But once we have to go back to the room and stay in her bed? Not fun.

I love this picture...randomness but had to share. This was after she ate the head off the broccoli and said in the broccoli's voice, "Look, I bald!" We've taught her to say in her oh-so-cute voice, "Bald is beautiful!"

The other thing about this is we get to repeat this phase after the next phase, called Delayed Intensification. During that phase we have a bunch more different chemos, kind of like Induction and Consolidation mixed. We go in the clinic as much as we did during Consolidation, except more now that she's severely allergic to one of the chemos, and the replacement chemo requires 6 visits for the one we would've gotten on the one she's allergic to. And she'll be on steroids (like she was all of Induction) except 7 days on, 7 days off. I'm preparing myself for a mood-swing filled Christmas. At least she'll eat all the food! As far as chemo is concerned, other than the hospitalization, her treatments this phase aren't so bad. She gets droopy eye a little when she gets the Vinecristine, but so far hasn't shown any bd side effects with the high dose methatrexate she's given in the hospital, or the oral mercaptapurine she gets at home every day. Of course, they're really good about giving her zofran and the like before hand to keep the nauseousness at bay.

So anyway, putting it all down like that helps me prepare and soak in what is next to come. Life is hard, but I remind myself and family it could always be harder. We've been bestowed so many many blessings to help us keep going and staying strong. And besides, the only way to really make it through something like this is to find the positive in everything. Otherwise, it'll beat you down so hard you'd be in danger of never recuperating.One ray of sunshine can go a long way.

What An Achievement!

2011-10-26T13:20:00.000-05:00

Team Alaina raised over $5,000!!! To help the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Light the Night walk. Way to go everyone who helped in some way. Even the silk screen printers donated the shirts. The team also won a tent for the day of the walk to eat and sit under because of their amazing job in getting donations. As Averie and her friends chanted during the walk..."Go Alaina, go Alaina, go go go!"

It was an amazing evening and I'll post more pictures soon! When I'm not out of the house running errands.

Still On Hospital

2011-10-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

We admitted her Friday when she finally made counts on Thursday. The kind of chemo she is getting is high dose Methotrexate which runs on a 24 hour IV drip. Before and after she has to reach certain levels of hydration. She hasn't yet gotten below the level they are looking for after chemo. That level is basically what is left of the chemo in her body...they want it out of her system.

GREAT news! While admitted she also had her triple IT (spinal tap with 3 chemos) and bone marrow test to see if there were any cancer cells left. NONE! Praise God! Baby Alaina is still in remission!

Now for her next 2 years of treatment they shouldn't need to do another bone marrow test unless she shows signs of leukemia again.

Other great news: we've passed the 3k mark on donations for Team Alaina Light the Night walk for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!! Thank you to everyone who has helped and donated to this amazing cause!

Will post pics when home!

A Day At The Clinic: Photo Documentary of Alaina

2011-10-11T12:27:00.000-05:00

Monday we had our trip to the clinic to see if Alaina was ready to begin her next phase of chemotherapy: Interim Maintenance. We arrive and wait for a few minutes before being seen.

Mommy explains once again everything that's going to happen. Counts were the first thing, which requires drawing blood. Normally, she'd get her port accessed (the mediport implanted in her chest) but since they thought her counts were probably still low, they decided instead to do a finger poke.

We think of something to do to pass the short time before being seen.

Aha! Mommy's phone! Nothing like games to pass the time. Everyone becomes interested.

It's Alaina's turn now. She knows the drill and hops on the scale to pose like the little ham she is.13.9 Kilos, somewhere around 30 Ibs.

Then we get her height. She's stayed at a solid 91 centimeters her entire treatment.

Then there's the "arm hug", her blood pressure. Today, since she was calm and not entirely nervous, it was good. She also got to pick out some candy to hold. She couldn't eat it in case her counts made it and they had to take her in for her spinal and bone marrow draw. Distraction though is a wonderful tool to know how to use during these visits. She hadn't had anything to eat since 8pm the night before.

Taking off the numbing cream we put on because we thought we'd be getting her port accessed. Getting ready for that finger poke....

And then we have the finger poke. It's gotten better now. Amazingly, she does much better when getting her port accessed, which is a giant needle chest poke. But she has numbing cream and has done it way more than her finger.

She get's so upset, a lot of it is because we have to hold her down to keep her from kicking, squirming and the like. At the very beginning of this when she was first diagnosed, she'd even try and bite the nurses. She's come a long way. Mommy and Sarah, the child life specialist, and even big sister Averie, all tell her what a big girl she is and how brave she is....

Now we put on a big bandaid, and she always has to see her "booboo" which is the blood.

Now it's time to go to the play room to wait for our awesome doctor. Sarah, who the girls love, play with them and keep them entertained.

Doctor examination time! Alaina loves her doctor and asks about every other day if we're going to go see him. He's a great guy. She's come a long way with her relationships between her and the doctors/nurses/staff. When she was first diagnosed, she wouldn't talk or look at them and even tried to physically hurt them. Now she laughs, plays, smiles, hugs, and runs to them.

We all have a very good sense of humor, which is important to us during such emotional times.

All done! What a good job you did, Alaina!

Meeting a new staff member....not shy at all and even introduces Bunny!

Until next time, doctor! We'll miss you!

Maybe I'm Not Ready to Look Back

2011-10-06T21:54:00.000-05:00

I added a blog archive to the column, and for some silly reason, decided to click on the oldest month, February of 2010. All the blogs come up, and one has a picture of Alaina, just over 1, standing and talking on my cell phone. It's moments like that, just when I thought I was strong and I'd be okay from now on, that fiercely correct me. I have to be honest, it's still blows my mind when I say it in my head. Alaina has cancer. You'd think maybe by now I'd accept it, get over the shock of it all, but I'm not sure I ever really had a moment to sit and really soak the reality in. As soon as I got out of the hospital with Anderson, I went to hers, with him along. The nurses there gave me a hard time, but with good intentions, because I was walking all over the hospital, toting him around, four days after having a cesarean. I had to drive from there to home a few times because it was just crazy, and Averie needed me too. I barely had time to adjust to everything, let alone sleep. Don't worry, I'm not throwing a pity party...moreso, just telling myself it's okay that I haven't fully accepted this new reality yet. So much was happening at once, it was like a tornado of nightmares.

Things are settled down now, yes, but I have to say I'm nervous of what lies ahead. Things like her skin problems, that she never had (these raised bumps that are red and puffy and dry all over her hands, some on her feet, and patches on her knees and elbows) wake her up at night because of itching (she doesn't really each much during the day)...and no real known reason, other than a possible drug reaction. I hate that. I hate that while things appear normal my baby can't feel normal. I'm taking her tomorrow to her pediatrician just to get a second opinion on if he thinks it's a drug reaction too or possibly eczema. And then if it is eczema, I have to make sure whatever ointment or medicine she has to take is okay with her oncologist so it doesn't interfere with her chemo. Not sure many people know this, because I didn't, but multivitamins and immunizations are all a no-no until she's done with treatment. If things go as planned, she'll be done with treatment the beginning of 2014, which is the year she enters Kindergarten (that fall). So that's a good thing.

Anyways, I'm nervous about next week. Just a little....because it's new chemo. Or atleast, a heavier dose. I think she gets methotrexate in her spinal taps she's had...this will be done IV. Typically, or I should say, the average child does fine with this chemo. But we've all found out Alaina is not the average child when going through treatment. She keeps her doctor on his toes, and the staff, that's for sure. She came in last week for a transfusion and they gave her tylenol and benadryl before they did anything just to be safe (she's had a reaction to both blood and platelet transfusions). She's just a very sensitive little girl and it freaks the hell out of me. What if she reacts to an important chemo and can't take it anymore? What if all these sensitivities screw up her chances of having a normal life afterward? It's scary. I try not to think about it because then I just go down that tunnel....

So enough of the depressing talk. Look at those donations! It makes me proud we've raised so much to go into helping kids, and other people, fighting cancer with Alaina. And on happier notes, I'm taking Averie for her first fishing trip after school tomorrow while my mommy's helper watches the other kiddos. She's stoked! So am I. :)

Shine On!

2011-10-03T23:21:00.001-05:00

And the T-shirt designing is under way! I'm no graphic artist, but I have sort of a keen eye, maybe, possibly? My husband is and hopefully will take my idea and make it work for silk screening. I'll also have the ribbons for cancer awareness (on another draft).

Have you SEEN that donation widget over to the right?? Wow, people are amazing! That's not even the total for the team, which has reached just over 2K! Can you believe it? So many people are doing so much good to help those fighting cancer beat it, have a better life, and better future! Redundant, perhaps. But it's worth saying.

Now for Alaina updates. She had a cbc done today. We have to wait to admit her into the hospital for her next phase of chemo, called Interim Maintenance, until her ANC (the part of the white blood cell that fights off bacteria and infection) is back up to at least 750. Normal persons range from 1,500-5,000...right now, today, she was 200. Anything below 500 is neutropenic, which basically means she has no immune system. Isolation it is! But, her hemoglobin (basically the part of the red blood cell that gives her oxygen) is normal (yay! Thanks to a transfusion on Friday) and her platelets (stuff in red blood cells that help clot and keep you from bleeding to death) are also up in the low 100s. They have to be at least 75 for us to start the next round, so this is good. And, her ANC being low isn't so good for immune system, but good for us...we wanted to start the next round next week so 1. Alaina can be in the hospital around the same time as her friend Rylan, who also has high risk ALL, 2. Assuming all goes as planned, she'll be home for Halloween and not in the hospital, and 3. We/She could have a week off!

So, unless anything weird happens this week that lands her in the clinic, ER, or hospital, we should be uneventful until Monday. On Monday, she gets another spinal tap, and another bone marrow asparate (yeah, that's a giant needle going into her bone and sucking out marrow...wanna know how brave and tough my baby girl is? She did it the first time with just LITACANE! She was fully awake. And then didn't talk to anyone for two weeks who wasn't mom or dad, and can ya really blame the kid? I was still in the hospital with Anderson when she had to do this so daddy was with her....he said she screamed at the top of her lungs "GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!" Crushes my heart but somehow brings a smirk to my face....she's got some personality!)

After those procedures, we'll head to the hospital, get checked in, and set her up on fluids. She has to reach a certain level before they give her this chemo, which is High-dose Methotrexate. I'm probably butchering all of the spellings, but oh well, go phonics! Then, this chemo runs on the IV for 24 hours. Then they have to flush it out of her system so she has to stay in the hospital until a certain level (they want to make sure the chemo doesn't rest on any of her organs, etc...always a great thought, right? Nothing like a little reminder you're dumping poison in your baby). All of this typically takes 3-4 days. Her friend Rylan is a month ahead, so he's already done two of these sessions and I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot cut out for me keeping up with Alaina and her "robot" (IV machine). The thing about 2-year-olds is, they rarely seem to care/remember they are hooked up to something through their port. Someone needs to invent a proximity detector and motorized IV machine so it knows when to follow the patient and at what speed.

The only other thing up with sweet Alaina is her skin. Once again, she's gotten these horrible raised bumps/blisters/cracks on her hands and feet. Very red, itchy, and dry. They also showed up on her knees and elbows. Doc and nurse weren't exactly sure what it was (another scary moment) but Doc thinks it MAY be an allergic reaction to her Bactrim. Bactrim is one of the meds she has to take every week, 2 times a day, 3 days in a row to keep her from getting a certain pneumonia that is deadly to cancer patients. So, we're skipping her dose this week (makes me VERY edgy and nervous) but from now on she will get a substitute that's more of a broader antibiotic, but seems to work for this type of pneumonia as well, and it's given via IV once a month. If this is the case, it also makes the fifth allergy. FIVE allergies in 3 months! Poor baby.

I'm sure you can tell I rely a little on humor to keep me going. I have to. Sometimes I'll be driving and a song will play on the radio and it'll bring me back to that first week we found out. Even to the day, which I only vaguely talked about once. I'm always afraid of going down that tunnel of thinking/remembering...afraid of where it will lead me emotionally.

So, thanks to all who keep up with my blog about my precious baby. And thanks to those who've contributed in some way, shape, or form to either the walk or her or our family. It means so much, and I don't ever think I'll be able to put into words HOW MUCH, and the DIFFERENCE it's really made to all of us in the Jones family.

Shine On! Because one ray of light has the capability to touch so many lives.

Light the Night

2011-09-27T14:33:00.000-05:00

Other than bruising all over the place, Alaina has been doing good. Her eye was a bit droopy this morning thanks to the Vinecristine chemo (it messes with the nerves, and droopy eyelids are one symptom that's not uncommon). This week is only a one day clinic week but still hectic because of her counts. They were low (hemoglobin and platelets) on Monday so we go back in tomorrow to get a CBC, and if she needs either blood or platelets or both, she'll stay all day on Thursday. We're hoping next week she'll have off while we wait for counts to go up before entering the next phase of her chemotherapy: Interim Maintenance. But, enough of all that for now. What I REALLY want to talk about is LIGHT THE NIGHT! (Alaina was honored at another Light the Night this past month thanks to the world of facebook bringing me closer to others fighting against blood cancer).

On October 23, in less than a month, our family and lots of friends will be walking in honor of Alaina, and raising money to help this amazing cause which helps those with blood cancer live better, longer lives (n a nutshell). I have a widget over there on the right of this column. Please, donate and/or join the team and help raise donations to meet our goal. For those that live in the area, we'd love for you to walk with TEAM ALAINA! We'll even have TEAM ALAINA T-shirts for the first handful of people (we're hoping a lot of people will join us, of course, but not sure we can afford to get a ton of shirts made...)

Cancer sucks. Help make it less sucky for future patients/victims and honor our precious girl Alaina! Help us light the night with red balloons!

Cancer Sucks

2011-09-19T22:45:00.000-05:00

We're back in the hospital again. My baby just can't seem to catch a break. The week she was supposed to have a break from her treatment for her counts to get high, she had fluid in her hip and had to have surgery and a week stay in the hospital (the week she was supposed to relax, play, enjoy the old life with out doctor appointments, pokes in the chest, and icky tasting medicine). And then, the week following her return home was another week of heavy chemo, plus a day for infusion (blood and platelet transfusions) and this week was suppose to just be a Monday clinic visit of two chemos: Vinecristine and PEG Asparagenese.

We arrive at clinic after dropping Av off at school. She'd already gotten her vinecristine and was happily playing dinosaurs on the floor when they started the PEG on her IV. 8 minutes into it, she starts scratching her back real hard and I could see as she lifted her shirt to do it her skin was bright red. I was feeding Anderson. I alerted the nurse who was standing by, and handed Anderson over to the Child Life Specialist. As soon as I turned around, Alaina was screaming, rolling around on the floor, kicking and hitting the nurse. This is not common behavior anymore (it was at the begining of treatment with all these strange people trying to mess with her...but now she's friends with all the nurses and staff and frequently let them pick her up and play with her etc.)

So I pick her up and tell her over and over everything is okay while taking her to the procedure room down the hall. As soon as I lay her on the bed in there my heart literally stopped for a second. Her lips were purple and huge, like a bee had stung both of them. Her eyes were swollen and blood shot. Her skin was pale and she was clamy and sweaty. Under her arms her skin was ruby red. She was crying, scared, confused. I realized shortly after the reaction why she started throwing a fit on the floor. Her throat was closing up on her. Her tongue was swollen, too.

I couldn't stop asking the nurses and doctor "Is this normal?" "Did you see there?" Trying my best to keep it together. I have to commend the staff at the Grapevine H/O clinic....they are awesome. We LOVE them and our doctor. They kept me calm, gave Alaina epinephran , benadryl, and a hydrocortizone (steroid) in her IV. She was out within a minute, sleeping, and her oxygen level dropped to 80. We had to rush her to the next room where the oxygen was and put tubes in her nose.

Right now, sweet Alaina is fast asleep in he rhospital bed, stable and okay. The clinic called the ambulance and they came and took us back to Cook Children's. We talked to the doctor about other options to replace this chemo. We were both very scared this missed dose of Asparagenaise (forgive me, I really don't know the correct spelling for all of these and our treatment book is at home) could put her into relapse. Doc said it shouldn't and that there is other options of Asparagenaise that isn't PEG. The difference is that PEG is a long lasting chemo that stays in the body a while so you only need one dose, whereas the other version you need to go in M-W-F for two weeks to get the same effect. We'll do whatever it takes, but my husband said something that haunst me and will forever and ever: This is all poison. My baby is getting posion flushed thorugh her body to kill this bastard that is cancer...or rather, make sure it doesn't come back. Because it WILL if she doesn't keep treatment going, studies show it will.

What crushes me though is how much her little body has gone through in just three months. THREE MONTHS. The Child Life here does something called Beads of Courage, where the child gets a bead for everything: blood transfusions, x-rays, pokes, surgerys, bumpy roads (having to learn to walk again), losing hair, learning to take a new medicine, having chemo, having hospital stays, having clinic visits...the list is long. For each thing, she gets a different color or type of bead (each one has a bead assigned, so for instance, every hospital visit (days) she has yellow beads for)....I haven't counted all of them yet, I don't have the courage to. But she has a bowl full of beads. It's to help tell her journey, and her story. But looking at all of them...all that's ben accumilated for just 3 months....well....all I can do is look at her sweet sleeping face, try not to cry, and pray my baby's body can continue fighting and being strong. Because all of this stuff happening to her: surgerys, toxins, allergic reactions (her allergy bracelet now has 4 things on it), and having fought back an aggressive lymphoblastic cancer....I mean, what else is going to be thrown at her, and will she continue having this amazing strength to fight it?

I have to believe she will. I have no other option. But it's still terrifying. Terrifying. No other word comes to mind.

Cancer sucks.

Our Normalcy Is Only a Mask

2011-09-17T23:14:00.003-05:00

The song playing on Pandora while writing this:

It isn’t uncommon now for Alaina to cry in her sleep every night while on her oral chemotherapy. I think other chemos do it as well, but especially this one. Very similar to night terrors, but not always at night. On Friday in clinic she fell asleep (she was there all day so around 2 finally conked out in my lap). Every five minutes or so she’d start kicking her legs wildly in her sleep and squirming around. Finally, after about 45 minutes, she woke up in a raging tantrum. I’m not sure WHAT she was dreaming but she couldn’t be consoled for several minutes.

Tonight, she started crying in her sleep. All I do is go in there, pet her fuzzy head, and let her know mommy is there and that everything is okay. She’s asleep the entire time but this usually tends to calm her down. Sometimes she’ll wake up from it and want me to stay, but tonight, after she stopped crying and was sleeping calmly again, I just sat there and watched her sleep. Any sleeping child is beautiful to watch, but especially when that child is battling so much at such an innocent age.

Most days we live life like everything is normal. I think we have to, to keep strong, to keep from breaking down, to remain a unit. But it’s moments like these that hit me hard. She’s still just a baby, not even 3 years into her life, yet it’s so easy for all of us, even her, to forget that. We do our normal routines, play like everything is okay, but at the forefront still know and are reminded it isn’t. No 2 ½-year-old should walk into the clinic and know exactly what’s going to happen: stand on the scale to get weighed, stand at the wall to get measured, sit in the big blue chair for an “arm hug” (blood pressure) and temperature; they never have to ask her, she does it automatically now. Then walk to the procedure room, sit on the bed with mommy, hold her shoulders back and be brave while the nurse pokes a needle into her chest to access the port surgically implanted there so she can get her medicine without collapsing veins for all the times she has to do it, then go play in the play room while hooked up to her “robot” the IV machine, and know when it beeps that means the medicine is done, and she’ll have to go back in the room and get her “noodle” taken out (the part they access her with via the needle) and “bandaid” pulled off. All of this she knows, and is so brave now she tells me, “I no cry, mommy. I be brave.” And she doesn’t cry. I look up to her so much, she amazes me.

We can’t go grocery shopping, at least not with her. We don’t go out in public much at all, especially when her counts are low. I freak out every time the girl acts her crazy, wild self, afraid she’s going to hurt herself and we’ll have to rush her to the hospital. Every little bump turns into a horrible bruise, every little scratch bright red and whelpish. When Averie goes to play with friends or any of us go somewhere public and sit for a while on seats we’r e not sure the cleanliness of, we throw our clothes in the wash as soon as we get home, and take showers. And the saddest thing is, Alaina understands now. When I do get a chance to go shopping, she wants to go with me. I say she can’t. She’ll ask why, and we’re at a point now where I can ask her back and she’ll answer, “Because of germs. I sick.” I think my heart cracks a little every time I hear her say something like that. Even at Race Trac, a place we use to go all the time as a family for “special drinks”. We’d go in and let the kids pick their slushees. Now she has to stay in the car with one of us. It won’t always be like this, I know. But it’s still hard. She’s SO little. She could be smaller, yes. It could be worse, I know. But she’s my baby. They all are, Averie and Anderson, too. And the other two are suffering in different ways.

But tonight, watching my beautiful bald baby sleeping after calming her from a bad dream. . . . I just wished so hard I could take it all away for her. Make life normal for her again. Let her go back to gymnastics that she loves so much, swimming anytime she wants at the community pool, going grocery shopping with mommy like she always loved to do….to never get poked again, never have to have adhesive ripped from her skin, never have to have all these strange medicines pumping through her veins, or the leg pains, or the bad dreams, or hating the taste of everything because of the chemo, or just plain feeling lowsy. I want to take it ALL away, but only one can, and we pray to Him nightly.

We have a hard road ahead of us the next 8 months, but every day we get through gets us closer to the end of this intensive chemotherapy phase she’s having to endure. After that, treatment will be more spread out; she’ll hopefully be able to go out more. I just have to stay strong and know that God is going to heal her and my baby can proudly where her Survivor T-shirt in 3 years.

You'd Be Surprised....

2011-09-15T12:30:00.001-05:00

At all the stares you get when you have to go into the store with your cancer baby all masked up. Thanks to my brain continuing to intermittently abandon me, I left Anderson's formula on the counter, thus had none to feed him with once we arrived at clinic this morning. So I had to pack them all up and take a trip to the local grocery store. Before the cancer, this would've been no big deal. But now, it requires a few supplies: a mask that fits Alaina, sanitizer wipes to clean the grocery cart with, and some hand sanitizer for every time Alaina tries to touch something in the store and succeeds. She's neutropenic right now, which means very VERY susceptible to getting sick.

So as we stroll at a brisk pace through the store to find the formula, all eyes turn to my sweet girl. She has a knitted headband on with a bunch of pretty bows she herself picked out (pictured here) but it's open in the back, not to mention the mask covering everything but her eyes. I can only imagine what people think. Before all of this, I didn't know anything about cancer so if I saw a child like this probably wouldn't know what to think. Maybe that they had something contagious and was wearing the mask to protect everyone else. I was so ignorant to the disease but boy, I sure feel I could intern as a nurse's assistant if I wanted to (they probably don't do that, but you know what I mean....).

The thing is, Alaina is still a 2 1/2-year-old little girl, albeit she talks amazingly well. She's back to her old self, which means it looks like someones beat her because of all the bruising due to her low platelets and high activity (like throwing herself on the ground so we'll tickle her...crazy child!).

Sometimes, when I do go out in public, I feel like wearing a sign that says, "Yes, my child is sick, but she's still a normal little girl, so STOP STARING." Unless, of course, you just plan on being polite and helpful, like the lady in front of us at the check out who let us go first, and the cashier, who quickly scanned a membership card to the store so I could get a hefty discount on the formula. Thank you, nice ladies who I don't know. You made my morning much much easier and more bearable!

I Think I Left My Brain Over There

2011-09-12T23:25:00.000-05:00

I tell ya, mommy brain is the worst! Even more so when you have an entire cabinet shelf dedicated to medications you need to give one of your kids on a daily basis! Pressure, much?

In all seriousness, almost every day I feel like my brain has taken a hiatus on me with no notice. I forget the silliest things and feel like a frazzled ditz hyped up on Red Bull. This past weekend, my parents offered to watch all 3 kids so Chad and I could take a mini-vacay for our anniversary. Wow, was it blissful! Ended way too soon, but we did happen to sleep in until 11am! Makes a big difference when all 3 children decide to wake up and come in our room at difference hours of the night (or you know, just need their bottle because the world is obviously ending otherwise).

Things are getting a bit more manageable over here with little Alaina's diagnosis. The oil companies should love us though as we're definitely handing them chunks of our cash on a daily basis to get to all these clinic appointments. There was a week in there where almost every day was filled with appointments: for me (postpartum), baby (monthly well visit) and of course, Alaina. Then I realized my eldest hasn't had her year well check yet, either. Ooops! She now has an appointment. But man, this mom thing can be tough and exhausting! During our mini-vacay (which was in Dallas) I bought myself a Mom Calendar for the fridge from B&N that has tabs for everyone in the family and a spot for them on the calendar. LOVE IT. Plus it has a pen holder. Now, if I can just remember to put the pen BACK in the holder when I'm done with it so I don't lose it. ;-)

Alaina is responding well to the chemotherapy. We had to have a 6 day stay in the hospital due to hip fluid 2 weeks ago but she's bounced back and was running (and at a pretty normal gait, too!) this evening all through the house yelling, "Run, mommy! I wanna run! Run with you!" She commonly says "you" instead of "me" when speaking and I just don't have the heart to correct her yet. It's too cute.

I e-mailed Averie's counselor, questioning on whether or not she thinks Av will need counseling. She has a lot of anxiety and has been complaining a lot about her tummy hurting. Plus, almost every night manages to find her way into our bed. I'm doing my best to make sure she gets attention and feels like she has a role in the family after it's changed so much, but sometimes I feel like I'm still not doing good enough! I am a big nerd though, because I got so excited when she came home today with her first spelling list. Squee! They took a pre-test and she only got 1 wrong! I've already loaded the iPod up with a spelling test app (she played it today and enjoyed it!) and made little worksheets for her spelling words. The teacher in me is raging to get out, apparently.

As for me, I managed to get 10 minutes of Zumba in from my Wii Zumba dance thing. Didn't figure out how to work the belt yet, but 10 minutes into it and all the kids were having some sort of breakdown. I need to find a time to do it ALONE but not sure that's possible. At night I'm so utterly exhausted after the production (as one of my friends appropriately calls it) of putting them to bed is over. No Zumba for me then. So naptime is my only real choice unless I want to share the dance floor with my girls and risk several interruptions or meltdowns because they don't like the song playing. Such little divas I have!

Well, this is probably it for now. I had several moments these past few weeks where I could've written a very emotional post but sleep deprivation got to me first and it's sneaking up on me again even after this weekend of rest. I have a feeling this is the biggest culprit to my missing brain. On a high note, go check out my good friend's blog she just started. Suzanne is awesome and I've always admired her ability to stay and eat fit! She even motivated me to stop being lazy and write this post. Not sure I have many followers anymore what with my random posting, but if you're out there, give her a visit. You won't be sorry!

Taking the Bull by the Horns Isn't So Easy Sometimes

2011-09-01T23:54:00.000-05:00

I’m emotionally numb right now. As much as I try to stay positive in our situation, it sometimes gets hard. As some know, Alaina had to be admitted into the hospital again Sunday because of fluid retention in her hip joint. It’s been nothing less than a roller coaster ride what with high fevers, bad allergic reactions to antibiotics, nurses giving her something they already noted she’s allergic to and getting another allergic reaction, her not sleeping at all one night, her barely eating a morsel, her being playful and friendly with everyone, her wanting to walk and be independent after the first day which was full of nothing but pain for her in her hip after the surgery, and it ended tonight with her having to be “poked” twice, all because mommy picked her up and her IV cord was tangled and it pulled her port and deaccessed it. So, they went to put in a new port (requires a needle poke in her chest where her mediport was surgically placed) and the nurse didn’t get it in where it accessed the port. This all required other nurses to hold her down and me to try talking calmly to her. After five minutes of this I eventually broke down and was crying with her. It just isn’t fair for any baby to go through all of this! And she is my baby. Only 2 ½ yet she seems so much older after everything that has happened. It just isn’t right, but then, I know there must be a plan in place by God and this will shape the person she’s supposed to be. But I’m so pissed off at cancer right now. As much as I try to follow my motto of taking what life gives you and grabbing it by the horns, sometimes my hands slip.

But I’m still capable of being positive. If there was any better time for Alaina to have to have things like fluid in the joint to happen, now would be the best time. We had to be on a break from chemo anyway to wait for her counts to go back up, so this doesn’t mess with her schedule at all. Driving home tonight (I was relieved by my mother-in-law, and go back tomorrow morning to release Alaina from the hospital), I wanted nothing but to have all my family with me under one roof. I miss my husband, my other two sweet children who have to go through just as much emotional crap as I do. Well, at least Averie. Poor girl. She’s such an amazing little girl and sister and I know this is really hard for her, especially for the fact I haven’t been home for all but a few hours the entire week. And it kills me. It kills me to not be there in the morning and help her get ready for school, or be the one to pick her up and ask how her day was, or the one to tuck her in at night. And poor little Anderson. He knows no better, but he’s still just being pulled along for the ride and I missed him SO much. Oh my goodness, how good it is to hold that tiny little chubby baby in my arms and shower him with kisses. And my poor husband, who is pulled in so many directions by work and home and hospital. He’s just as exhausted as I am and I love him so much, he’s such an amazing man.

Our lives have twisted and contorted into something else and we’re still trying to get our bearings. I can’t even run errands now because Alaina can’t be exposed to public and germs a lot of the times. I work hard at trying to make it work, to go with the flow, but sometimes I just shake my fist at this disease and curse it with all my might. And I have the right to. I’m flipping it the bird right now! (Makes it a bit harder to type, though….)

There is so much more in me I wish to say. So much more I want to express, more for myself than for anything else. But I’m drained. I’m glad we’ll be together as a family again tomorrow. It sucks that Alaina is unable to take a bath or swim for two weeks, two of her favorite things to do. And her walking is set back again. She tries very hard, bless her soul, to be independent but those feet just aren’t walking the right way and she loses her balance a lot. As frustrated as I feel right now, I know a good night’s sleep will help. Even if I have to wake up to feed my sweet boy. A new sunrise makes everything a little bit better, and easier to manage.

And 3 Makes a Crowd (but a much loved one!)

2011-08-09T23:34:00.001-05:00

Those who read this will be glad it is going to be shorter than the previous entries. Three kids is a lot of work! Especially when two of them are rather high maintenance! I also realized I haven't shared Alaina's Caringbridge site here. At least I don't think I have. It's very possible I have, my memory isn't worth much these days. You can visit her site and get updates at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alainajones

I'm really tired these days and last week got over being sick from something. Allergies, probably, but I was hoarse over the weekend. Being a mom and being hoarse are not things that go hand in hand. Especially when you have two girls going at each other over silly things. They seem to be better now, but poor Averie is getting sick of being bullied. It isn't that we allow Alaina to behave like this but more of not being able to intervene quick enough. Immobile or not, the little toot is quick. It's quit a site to see her crawl after her sister in a speedy fashion with her chompers open. Anyway, yes, tired. Anderson is a great baby but you know, he's a hungry fella', so he's up at midnight (so I stay up until then to feed him before going to bed...probably not the best idea as it hits me after a few days but I also never get to do anything until after the kids are in bed anyway), 3 or 4 am, and then 7ish. Not to mention Alaina wakes up throughout the night with nightmares/bad dreams (are they the same thing?) and sometimes ends up in our bed. And then Averie feels left out so has to sleep in our bed every once in a while. This will stop when school starts. I've given her the heads up on this a few times, though I'm sure she's "forgotten" it by now. Selective memory seems to form around age 6, I've learned.

With that said, I'm exhausted. I'm feeling better emotionally. I know my baby girl will concur this, but hate the road she has to go down in order to do that. She's so little and though smart and understands a lot for her age, still doesn't understand it completely. I hate all the medicine she has to take and doesn't want to, all the pokes she has to get in her chest and all the times we have to take adhesive off of her sensitive skin and all the bad dreams she has and her lack of appetite and soon, her lack of energy and not feeling well when the chemo gets to her good cells and effects her immune system. It isn't fair to any child, baby or adolescent, that has to go through this. We are so blessed that the studies for childhood leukemia has come a long way and there is such a great support system for families. And NOW I'm off to do laundry and dishes and it's almost midnight. I need a robot maid or something.

Change Is Hard

2011-07-20T00:57:00.001-05:00

I've been meaning to write this post for a while. So many little things that happen that I want to reflect on, or dig deeper into. We finally came home last Wednesday from the hospital and I have to share one of the most precious memories during these trials that I know I'll have. I pulled up to the front of the hospital with the van to pick Alaina up with her daddy. They had given her a ride in one of the wagons, because she couldn't walk. I watched as they pulled the wagon through the turning doors, and a gust of wind blew against her face and hair. She burst out laughing like a crazy person and said really high pitched and excited, "Wind! Feel that? Feel the wind?!"

She was so thrilled! Stuck in the hospital for 3 weeks, never being able to leave that floor....refusing to play in the playroom....the feel of the wind on her skin brought the biggest smile to her face. We take so much for granted.....and then on the way home, she got excited about seeing birds, and cars...it was all finally real to her. She was really going home. She didn't believe me that morning, I don't think....she didn't smile or act excited when I mentioned to her we'd finally be able to go home. But seeing that shimmer of a glimpse of old Alaina was so bitter sweet. I hated that she had to miss that stuff so much but was elated to see her be well enough to enjoy it again.

This first week back home has definitely been an adjustment. We knew it would be. We're grateful that Chad, my husband, has been blessed by wonderful employers who are letting him work from home the next four months. Since Alaina can't really walk from her time spent at the hospital and the achiness of her chemo (apparently it can make her legs achy), she is usually always on the couch...and the steroids make her want to eat all the time. ALL the time, I am not exaggerating. You would not believe the amount of food this girl can fit in that little tummy of hers! Because of this, it's like having two infants at home...her, and her baby brother, who turns 1 month tomorrow. She's gained at least 10 Ibs, due to the steroids and the eating. We shaved her hair over the weekend because it was coming out in clumps and ended up all over the house and in food and on cloths and in mouths....it just needed to be done, and Daddy shaved his with her. She doesn't seem to mind it, and we made sure she was going to be okay with it. She likes how soft it is.

I know my mind is going in several different places at once with this post so it may not make any sense. But this is theraputic for me, to share the trials and struggles we're going through. My biggest struggle right now is seeing how much she's changed and how much she has had to grow up. She does NOT look like a 2 1/2 year old nor acts like one and it breaks my heart. The other day, she sat in our front room on the couch and stared out the window for almost an hour. She didn't want to move when I asked her. I asked her what she wanted, she kept saying to ride in the wagon (I'd told her we would once daddy got home). The look on her face was soooo sad the entire time and I'd give anything to know what she was thinking. This can't be right, this depression....so many nurses and other people have mentioned how kids bounce back and start playing, but not Alaina. She refuses to play, hardly laughs (though is getting around to doing it more often these past few days) or smiles. Her personal space is something she takes very seriously, when before you could love and kiss and hug her all you wanted. There are many times in the day daddy or I are pushed away and told firmly, "No! Stop, don't touch me." We understand where it comes from...the nurses and doctors messing with he rin the hospital, and worst of all, her first bone marrow test done the day she was admitted into the hospital....she could not be put out for that because of her blood levels...so my poor two-year-old had to be awake, with a basic topical numbing, as they stuck a needle into her BONE. I can't even begin to imagine how traumatic that was for her (and my husband who was there with her....I was still in the hospital with Anderson). He said it got so bad she screamed, plain as day (and Alaina-speech isn't always plain as day) "GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

So personal space? Yes, we get that. It hurts, and we try not to take it personal, but it's hard. We love her SO much. And her tummy, it's always giving her problems....the chemo constipates, and then there's all the food she's eating, and the gas. It's so extended, her belly button is almost all the way out. She's so heavy she can hardly keep her own weight up let alone balance. She can't get on or off furniture by herself, and needs assistance when she's walking. She use to be fearless, and now fears almost everything. She use to be tough, and now the smallest bump makes her cry. She's done a complete 180 personality wise and I'm terrified I'll never see the old Alaina. People say she'll come back, that it's all due to the steroids, but I just KNOW this entire episode of her life HAS changed her. That she'll never be completely the person she was before. And I know, people change, it's part of life, but to have to do it SO early.....to lose all the wonderful things that made her HER. It kills me. It really does. I miss that little girl SO much. I love who she is now, I'll love her no matter what personality she takes on, but the memories of her little quirks are fading and I'm having a hard time holding onto them and it's scary to think I might forget them.

We take so much for granted in life. We really do. She use to sneak out of her room after we put her to bed, creep down the hall, and watch us in the living room until we noticed her. We'd get onto her, tell he rto go back to bed, but laugh under our breath because despite her rebelliousness, she was so stinkin' cute. It was a headache many nights, when we just wanted some peace to ourselves and it took her an hour and a half to finally go to sleep. And she'd lay in her bed and roleplay with her animals in her little voice, and it'd be nearly 10 o'clock and I'd be, "Alaina, go to bed already!" What I'd give to have that again! Now, she tells us she's tired, lays on her back (or asks us to roll her on her side because she can't do it) and closes her eyes. Her fingers gently rub Bunny's threads until she falls asleep. And that's it. No role playing, no being mischievous....and I miss it. I see mother's with little girls her age in the grocery store and I miss that. I miss being able to take her with me on my errands. Tantrums and all (though she was usually a really great "bye bye kid"). Now, she just always seems so sad. So sad. And I don't know how to talk to her, how to help her.

Tomorrow (technically today since it's now past midnight) we take her back to the doc because we're worried she may have a UTI. I'm going to ask the doc about physical therapy...I really think she needs it, especially since she doesn't WANT to do anything but sit. . . . (and eat). I'm also going to ask if we should consider a play therapist or wait until the steroids are out of her system and see how she does then.....her last dose is Saturday morning and it takes about a week for kiddos to start feeling normal again.

Her big test is this Friday, where they test the bone marrow again for cancer cells, and the blood as well. She has to have less than 0.01% for her to stay in the High Risk category, otherwise she goes to VERY high risk, which we know involves a bone marrow transplant. Please pray for negative cancer cells on her test results, which we should get back Tuesday. Also please pray for her big sister. She's also having to grow up too much this summer. I'm trying my best to put aside time for her during all this crazy chaos (and poor little Anderson has just been collateral damage, slung along for the ride through all of this....) Averie is having some major behavioral issues which I know is mostly due to all the change in her life and we're doing our best to help her through it by discipline and understanding and communication but it's still really hard. I hate having to be that "mean" person when I have to put my foot down with her, but I know it's what she needs.

This entry has become a novel. Today was a rough day and I think just getting all of these thoughts out helps. Anderson has reflux, so I had to take him to the docs today, and all these little negative things just kept happening through out the day. Tomorrow morning (or technically this morning) is Alaina's appt for her possible UTI, Thursday morning is my postpartum appointment, and then Friday is Averie's birthday and Alaina's MRD test, and Saturday is Averie's slumber party.....It sounds like so much when I type it all out but I know I can handle it.....just pray I get more sleep than I've been getting, so my mood stays positive! It doesn't help when I have both the baby and Alaina waking up at 1am and 4am to eat! (Macaroni and cheetos!)

Change is hard....but I know I can adapt. I already am. But it's the change in my little girls that I have no control over that really hurts.

Will It Ever Get Easier?

2011-07-06T21:54:00.000-05:00

Alaina isn't home yet. They thought she'd be able to come home on Monday, July 4th...but her counts were still really low, so she is still in the hospital. Worse, her MRD test came back positive with cancer cells in the blood above the rate for being considered standard risk, so the doctor has now put her in the high risk bracket. My heart has broken into a million pieces. I have a hard time even looking at pictures of her from before all of this. I even cried in the hospital cafe when a little girl around Alaina's age was crying for her mommy to hold her. What I'd give to have that! I'll take any normal tantrum in a public place over her steroid fits in that hospital room any day.

My poor baby is going to be put through so much and it isn't fair. She's so sweet and innocent and little. High risk means more intensive chemo. Treatments that put us back int he hospital for 3-4 days just to get them. And then I worry about the long term effects on her body. How easy it is to let every negative thought bombard my brain. And all of those dark, ominous "whatifs".

I know I can't go down that path. I know I shouldn't. I know God has a plan. But I have to be honest. I'm a little peeved at God right now. I love Him. I know He wouldn't give me, us, anything we couldn't handle...(and I have to be honest again, I've heard that so many times I cringe now....because I'm feeling rather close to NOT being able to handle it more than being able to....) but why? Why Alaina? I know this is normal. A normal stage to get through the shock and pain of it all. It sucks. Really really really SUCKS.

High risk also means more social isolation. Yes, it's a blessing this happened during the summer....no school to worry about. And my amazing mother-in-law is off work (school nurse) and is helping beyond what Chad and I had ever imagined. But part of me is sad that my girls won't be able to enjoy a normal summer. They say it's important to try to stick to normalcy when Alaina returns (and I'm having a hard time seeing beyond her always being at the hospital right now...) but it's going to be SO hard. The doctor mentioned how we have to be more careful during this next phase because her counts will be even lower. Our normal life consisted of sunshine, playing with other kids, going to public places....not being couped up at home. Not that I won't be able to handle it, but still. I want it to be better for them. It kills me how much control I've lost of my life. I can't even plan beyond the day I'm in.

We're so blessed to have so many people praying. I ask that you continue to pray. Especially pray hard for July 22. It's Averie's birthday, but it's also the day Alaina goes in for her bone marrow test again (and spinal tap). Her results HAVE to be .01% of cancer cells in her marrow or they will put her into the VERY high risk category....and I can't even begin to go down that tunnel of thinking. I'm already struggling with the "whatifs" now....I think all the strength people keep saying I have will ultimately be crushed if that happens.

Please. Please pray for my baby girl. Pray for her body to fight the cancer cells, the chromosomes 4 and 17 that mutated into triple chromatids instead of double. Pray that the chemo and steroids kill all of the bad cells. Pray that Chad and I find the right path for her,m whether it's to continue with Cook Children's or possibly begin another avenue with another Oncology group that has different ways to treat this. For strength....and patience....and sanity....and for my other two wonderful children, that they remain a focus in our lives as well. My amazing big girl Averie, who has got to be the best big sister ever and stays so strong for me when she knows I'm down. And for sweet little Anderson, who never received a proper, normal welcoming home by our family and instead was swept into all of this chaos. And for me, that I can maintain this strength for my children and husband. God give me strength. God give us all strength.

Baby Alaina Now Has an Account for Donations

2011-06-29T11:38:00.001-05:00

We got an account set up for those who wish and are able to donate to Alaina's cause in fighting Acute Lymphoma Leukemia. It is through paypal, but I believe it accepts credit cards as well for those who do not have a paypal account.

I cannot thank those enough that are reaching out and helping us get through this long journey. Both Chad and I are just awed and amazed at all the good in people and how blessed we are to be surrounded by so many wonderful human beings. Thank you. Thank you so very much.

The button for donations is on the side bar of the blog.

Also, very important: The sponsor number for donating blood to Alaina was put incorrectly. The correct sponsor number is now on the sidebar of the blog. Ending number is 5, not 9.

This was Alaina on Monday, actually eating breakfast and enjoying it! Her appetite is slowly returning.

Entering the Stage of Acceptance: My Daughter Has Leukemia

2011-06-28T04:40:00.001-05:00

It's a little after 4a.m. and I've just finished nursing baby Anderson. He's such a gift from God. We truly are blessed to have such a sweet, angelic little baby boy. This is my first night home since we left for the hospital to have him last Thursday morning. I thought it would be good to be home, that it would make me feel better. Some who were once subscribed to this blog when I compassionately pursued writing may not know that on Friday, June 24th, my youngest daughter Alaina, who is 2 1/2 years-old, was diagnosed with ALL leukemia. She had been running a fever of over 103 for 6 days. Because of the fever she was not able to see her baby brother on Thursday, and after urine and blood tests were done late Thursday, Friday turned our world upside down when we received the news. I was unable to see my baby girl until released from the hospital. My amazing husband stayed with her, along with my mother-in-law and mom, who alternated shifts to be with the confused, scared little girl as they admitted her into the children's hospital, ran a bone marrow test and spinal tap on her, and poked and prodded her throughout the weekend. Finally, on Sunday late afternoon, I got to see my baby girl. And she was NOT happy to see me.

No one prepared me for how steroids change a little girl's personality. I knew she was angry at me. She didn't understand why I'd been gone while all these strange things were happening to her and it broke my heart. It still does, typing it, I have to really hang onto my composure. I had a cesarean, and crying really hurts. She kicked at me, bit me, pinched me, screamed with tears rolling down her cheeks.

Thursday was one of the best days of my life, Friday the absolute worst, and Sunday the second-to-worst. But Monday brought me new strength. She finally got around to sometimes accepting me again. Her personality is still so different because of the steroids. She is unable to make decisions. Everything is always "no". She has massive fits when she wakes up, or when a stranger comes into the room. My sweet, precious, outgoing little spitfire is hidden somewhere beneath this new little girl. I know she can't help it. I know she's scared and confused and doesn't understand. And it kills me.

But God is leading me. I know we can get through this together, as a family, because God only gives us what he knows we can handle. With this knowledge, I've somehow found a mother's strength I didn't know I possessed. I took Monday with some acceptance that life would never be the same again. I numbed--distanced myself--from the constant pain and dark thoughts and pulled through the day, helping Alaina learn to control her fits a little, and learning how to manage her new personality. I know she'll come back to me, when the drugs have worn off and she's in a more familiar place. I spent the night Sunday with her, and came home with my husband and eldest daughter close to midnight tonight (Monday). I was eager to be home, to sleep in my bed, to see what was once my normal life. But everywhere I turn, everything I look at, reminds me of our old life not less than a week ago. Of a strong, bright-eyed little girl who could talk to me sooo well, who was potty trained, who had this endless amount of boisterous energy and lit up anyone's day who came across her. Pictures are everywhere in our house. Her toys, her room....our old life already seems so long ago. So far away. Untouchable. It will never be the same. I know this. It won't always be this hard. I know this as well. But it hurts. It hurts so bad that the only way I feel I can manage staying as strong as I was with her today is if I share my story, our struggles, our good days, our bad days, our acceptance of this new life.

I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until I had this written down. Just as I know that my husband, children and I, could not get through this time in our lives as easily without the help of such amazing friends, family, and people we hardly know. It has overwhelmed both Chad and I at how much GOOD there still is in this world. At how much people truly have a need to help other people. God knew we could handle this, else it wouldn't have happened. Everything happens for a reason. We may not know what it is yet, we may never know. But the key is to stay positive.

We're blessed this happened when it did. During the summer, when our eldest daughter doesn't have to attend school and my mother-in-law is off work to help us. During a time my husband had already asked off for work to spend time with the new baby. As well, giving us such a little miracle that sleeps quietly through the night, fusses just enough when he's hungry, and let's me stay over night at the hospital with my sweet Alaina and not disturbing her sleep. He's such a good, good baby. Were he any different, I might not be able to stay with her over night. He might wake her, or upset her. Just another blessing from God.

And the friends and people coming together to aid Alaina in her fight against leukemia. It fills my heart up so much. It swells with amazement and hope at all the people reaching out to us. From donating blood for Alaina through Carter Blood Care, to preparing us meals, to offering to go grocery shopping, do yard work....surprise us with a filled up gas tank. We're floored by this generosity. Another lesson from God. We're humbled and are inadequate in receiving all of this love and support.

I feel better now. Writing this down has helped me to at least attempt sleeping again. It's hard not to think of her, though. To think of what she was like, of what life was like just a week ago. So many changes are around the corner, if not already on top of us, smothering us senseless. But we'll get through this. Together, we'll help our baby girl get rid of this ugly disease. 2 1/2 years of chemotherapy is ahead of us, and all the trials that go with it, but together, with God and our sturdy network of friends and family, we will conquer this battle.

Feed Your Muse Tuesday

2011-04-12T13:35:00.001-05:00

Back from my weekend OFF (mommy-cation), one of my favorite birthday gifts EVAR. Nothing like good ol' spa treatment and solitude (which, apparently, makes me weird as some women prefer to have girl time....I blame the writer in me. Solitude gives me time to plot!).

The Shiny New Project is coming along at a turtle's pace, but I think I might have to blame being in the third trimester. Lately, I just don't feel like doing crap. And trust me, there is plenty of "crap" to be doing. Like the baby's room, school projects that are due just around the corner, not to mention you know, WRITING. For any of you writer's who are immersed in MG, I may have to find you and pick your brain a bit.

Other than it being my birthday (which feels like any other day and I still feel like I'm stuck in my 20s....wish I looked that way!), I have no real purpose for posting today but have been wanting to share this AMAZING oatmeal cookie recipe with you because I swear, you will HAVE to thank me after you've tasted it.

Recipe adapted from Oh She Glows:

The Most Amazing Oatmeal Raisin Dark Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients:
Dry:

1 3/4 C Walnuts
2 C Regular oats, divided
3/4 C Wheat flour (though any flour would do)
1/2 C Brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Wet:

1/2 C Maple syrup
2 tbsp milk (I used almond milk)
3 1/2 tbsp oil (I used canola, FYI, olive oil doesn't taste the best in cookies...use, canola, vegetable, or coconut)
2 tsp Vanilla
2/3 C Craisins
1/3 C Dark chocolate chips (I used Ghirardelli)

Directions: Preheat oven to 350. Put your walnuts in a blender or processor and process until pasty but course. Mix all your dry ingredients, but only use 1C of oats for now. Add dry ingredients and walnuts together in bowl and mix well. In another bowl, add wet ingredients and stir. Add wet to dry, mixing well with a spoon, and then add the last cup of oats. Once it's all combined together, I let my kiddos help mix in the craisins and chocolate chips by hand. The consistency is a bit loose, but if you squish the "dough" like playdough, then roll a little, and flatten onto the ungreased cookie sheet, it should be good to go. I made about 24 small-medium sized cookies. Bake 10 minutes ONLY, not less, not more. Cool on pan for 2 minutes before transfering to wire rack and cooling an additional 10-15 minutes. The taste is unbelievable.

I think with the walnuts, it is more of an adult cookie. Me and my husband devoured them all in two days flat. My kids ate some, but it wasn't their favorite. Again, I think the walnut taste had a lot to do with that. But man, am I going to make these again! Great for the muse, and not horribly awful for you health-wise!

Happy Tuesday, and SHINE ON!

SNIs and Baby Bump Pictures

2011-03-30T21:48:00.000-05:00

There is no better feeling in the world of writing than that of a new creation sparked to life. Well, other than maybe getting that new creation published down the road....but still...great feeling, right? Somehow, Shiny New Ideas (SNI) always hit me when I'm almost asleep. And really, it kind of pisses me off....because my subconscious is a waaaay better writer than I am. Does this happen to anyone else? My subconscious will literally be narrating the story for me with the perfect words, while my mind is playing back the image. If I wake up all the way, it's gone, that inner-genius-writer living inside my head, and I can never get the words down exactly as good as they came to me. But anyway! The point is, I have a SNI!!! And I can't wait to sink my fingers into it. I have to ask, to all those writers out there, what's the first thing you do when you're hit with an SNI? Think on it more? Let it stew for a while? Plot it out, begin character development? Or just start writing? Or, like me, a bit of all three?

In other news, I haven't forgotten about my SEKRETS. Thing is, what I was hoping to announce got pushed back....sooo....I'm still keeping them a secret until I'm for sure ready to reveal them. It has nothing to do with me growing a human, though, no worries. Someone thought maybe I was having twins, heehee!

And speaking of which, anyone out there who has a boy want to answer this question for me: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO NAME THEM? Never has it taken me (us) this long to name our baby. I'm just now entering the third trimester and we've finally boiled it down to a top 3, after I posted on facebook (because yes, I'm one of THOSE people) wanting ideas and suggestions from people to help us name this kid! Ready for the list of semifinalists?

Anderson
Christopher
Gavin
Zachry
Ashton
Brandon
Bradley
Mason
Matthew
Reid
Xander

The three finalists are Anderson (which is winning), Christopher, and Ashton. Here is me and the little nugget (though he doesn't look very little, does he?):

And now, I should really try to catch some sleep before he starts doing somersaults in there, keeping me awake. Have a great week, Happy April Fools Day, and SHINE ON!

Things That Make You Happy

2011-03-07T12:29:00.000-06:00

Recently, I discovered Oh She Glows, and this lady has THE BEST healthy recipes that my kids LOVE and so do I! I've come to realize, after baking and cooking from scratch 4 days in a row, cooking is my natural happy pill! I've been walking around the house smiling and happy and wondering why (you know, not that I'm always grumpy but it's just not usual for me to be THIS energetic). Then I realized I just got done baking with my littlest (who just LOVES being a chef) and that must be why.

This always puts me in a very motivated mood. It left me wondering what things other people might do that give them a natural high? Anything help you get energetic and ready to conquer the world?

I has a Sekret....

2011-02-16T22:58:00.001-06:00

And yes, I'm going to torture you by keeping it a secret. I know I haven't been the best blogger lately what with a. school, b. writing (it MUST come before blogging, sadly), and c. pregnancy/mom related chaotic stuff (can I just say, if I could manage the rest of the year without my five-in-a-half-year-old throwing a complete spastic, horrendous, hour-long tantrum over taking one bite of something on her plate that was green, i.e. a vegetable, I could possibly die a more sane person whenever that time comes...).

HOWEVER, things may be changing in the future . . . and hopefully soon...very soon . . . cross your fingers for me . . . I'll have two announcements/things to share.

And now, I'll leave you with a few random facts of the day/night:

If you were to spell out numbers, you would have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter "A". (fascinating!)
The hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards. (Even more reason to <3 them!)
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. (and now I'm wondering if there is a way to test my hair to figure out whether or not I'm intelligent....)
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone. (So...wouldn't it just be called a rock, not a pillow?)

And this is a special one for all you queriers (query-ers?) sending out snail-mail letters:

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

And with those wonderful brain-growers I say, have a great rest of the week and

Shine On!

It's a Boy!

2011-02-12T21:25:00.001-06:00

Yes, it's almost been a month and a half. Bad, Christa! Buuut, the good news is we found out Friday, and we're definitely having a boy! This is even greater news for my sanity. I honestly don't think I could've properly handled a total of 3 girls. Aaaall the drama! But now I get me my mama's boy.

In other news, you've got to help me celebrate my friend Elizabeth Loupas and her debut release of THE SECOND DUCHESS. March 1st, baby!! The cover is just beautiful, and the story is promised to be just as beautifully written. I'm stoked to attend her book release (yay for authors who live by me!).

I'm FINALLY reading Catching Fire. I'm so behind on my reading list. Loving the book, like everyone else. Plus, I'm actually finding it helpful with my own dystopian WIP, what with it being first person present tense as well. I haven't posted any excerpts in some time. Here's a little piece from said WIP, THE IN-BETWEEN.

For me, my life is pointless, directionless without mom. The idea of her being somewhere out there, waiting for me, lost, or worse . . . I have to know. The not knowing will kill me before anything else does. Even with my little sister Lyssa at home needing me as a crutch—her big brother that will always take care of her—I can’t just let life drift by without knowing the truth.

The top of Rez’s shaved head gives off the moonlight as he shakes it. “We don’t got time, Levi.” He looks at me now and my stomach clenches at the fierceness in his eyes. “Gentry’s gone.”

“What?” I can feel my face crumple in confusion. “You said he told you I’d be here.”

“Yeah, by voice note.”

My mind races trying to piece together why Gentry would leave after coming to us with all of this information. Either it’s an elaborate trick, and nothing outside Caligo really exists and he doesn’t want us to hate him, or—more than likely—someone tipped the White Coats off. What if they had him imprisoned? What would they do to him if they found out the truth, learned that he really was from out there?

Rez rubs a hand over his chin, a signal he’s probably stressed and his brain is working overtime to find a solution to our problem. “We should go back. Reconvene with the others.”

I’m shaking my head fervently, ignoring the tickle of my hair it as it brushes against my cheeks. I know I shouldn’t panic, but if it’s a matter of them taking Gentry and not the old man running off, then they’d be coming for us next. It’s the part of me that knows we really shouldn’t go back that’s causing my rapid breathing and pacing. My boots sink into the mud with each step. “Lyssa. . . “

“Shouldn’t be involved. Come on, Levi, you know this. You knew this could happen. We’ve got to go. Why do you think no one’s patrolled out here while you’ve been here? What if they’re at our houses already? Waiting?” His voice dropped lower with each word. He’s starting to panic too. He has a family, just like me. Two younger brothers and his parents to think about, but he’s willing to just leave them in the hands of the White Coats.

I stop, one foot still in the air in mid-pace. Slowly, I set it down. The waters of The Ocean That Never Ends rush up around my ankles and drench the bottom of my pants, but I don’t care. In my head, all I see are White Coats, dozens of White Coats, invading my home, terrifying Lyssa, interrogating dad. Several thoughts bombard my brain at the same time, as usual. My first thought is to run, take to sprinting through the woods toward home and get the White Coats off my property, away from Lyssa. The second thought, which overlaps the first, is to run the opposite direction, where our hide out and supplies are waiting for us, knowing that going back home won’t save Lyssa and dad, only the truth will. The third thought, which is practically a scream over the others, is to kill every single White Coat that exists.

Let Normalcy Begin Again

2011-01-02T20:23:00.003-06:00

How was everyone's holiday? I took full advantage of my kid's 2 week vacation and decided, you know what? I'm taking one too! So it's been nothing but hanging out, playing games, new toys with kids, and you know, all the festive fun stuff, and lo and behold, my kids actually learned to sleep in (until 8!) during the 2 weeks!

But now, to get them back on schedule. D'oh! Cross your fingers for me. It's been a good break from writing and any other normal responsibility (other than the house of course) but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Toddler's nap time = my writing time! And school begins in two more weeks. Have any of you made resolutions? I'm not a big resolution maker. I tend to make my goals too big and unrealistic. So, my "resolution" is to keep on track with my writing, Zumba, and practice more patience with my kids. There...seems easy enough!

Happy 2011, all! Hears to getting back to normalcy with ease!

SHINE ON!

Character Ingredients

2010-12-15T12:17:00.004-06:00

Helloooooo out there. Finals are DONE! I've survived my first semester of 13 hours in college with 2 kids and a baby bump! I think I may crawl into a cave and hibernate for a few months now. Well, until next semester anyway.

The other night...well, technically, a few weeks ago (I've been meaning to write this post for a while hah) my husband and I were talking about personal flaws and how sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we just can't change certain things about ourselves. For instance, me . . . I'm a very egocentric, idealistic person (with a lot of other ingredients to go with). Though I work very hard at keeping in touch with my friends and making sure our conversations are not always about me, sometimes I do tend to fall back in old habits. I've read books about being able to change habits in 21 days or being able to change if you really want to, and while I agree to a certain extent (habits can be changed, personalities can not) there's a fine line between habits and personality.

This got me thinking about character development. We write down habits and small blips of personality, and with me, the personality of my character generally takes it's own form once I'm in the process of already writing the story. But sometimes I look and see that I only have a surface personality. I haven't created actual ingredients of the character. Certain things that go into making the character that will always be in that character no matter how much they try and change or what they end up going through, it will be there to some extent in the end. So I started listing a few of my character ingredients for one of my characters:

How to Make a Jessa:

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups of pride
1 3/4 cups of loyalty
1 1/2 cups of stubbornness
1 cup of open-mindedness
1 cup of mental strength
3/4 cup of fear (heights, water, going crazy...)
1/2 cup of toughness
1/4 cup of nervous habits
1/4 cup of ingenuity & positive attitude
2 Tbsp of spitefulness
1 Tbsp of jealousy
a dash of mistrust
a pinch of romanticism

And there you have it. A very rough draft ingredient list of one of my main characters. Now, I would take this list and separate them into columns and go even more detailed with each ingredient. i.e, the ingredients of the ingredient. I'd put specific examples, whether it's back story or in the story. This is a great tool to fall back on during revisions. I don't know about you, but when I'm revising a story after taking a break from it, sometimes it's easy to lose that initial "voice" or character you were once so involved with. This is a good way to keep on track and stick with the character.

As for my personal ingredient list? Well, it would be much longer and way more complicated. But just as certain dishes go well together, so do certain characters when they are "cooked" right. My husband compliments me: he's the opposite in most physiological things compared to me. He's a safety freak, I'm pretty much a free spirit. He's cynical, I'm positive about everything. He's sensitive, I have a tough wall protecting me. He obsesses about the future, I reminisce about the past. He's logical, I'm idealistic. We're both creative and as for hobbies and the like, we share similarities there. So really, we fit together perfectly! This is a great way to analyze characters in your story to make sure they really do compliment each other (or not if that's what you're going for) and it isn't coming out forced.

Happy holidays and SHINE ON!

Time Flies

2010-10-29T12:19:00.003-05:00

Gee, I can't believe I let a month go by. Well, for those that don't know, in that month I lost my father-in-law, and um...I'm going to have another kid! It was a big shocker to both hubs and I seeing as we thought we were done. Guess not! So, I've officially entered the first trimester and forgot how much I loath it. Ug.

How's the blogging community out there? I miss everyone. Here are a few things I found going on lately:

Check out Miss Snark's First Victim for a very cool December Secret Agent Contest...it's more like a bidding auction for winning manuscripts! A must see.

Up for winning a free book, Tyger Tyger by Kersten Hamilton to be exact, check it out here.

Check out QueryTracker's Publishing Pulse for other info around the interwebz.

And now, I must prepare my disastorous house for my five-year-old's Halloween party, in which there will be aruond um....oh, 20 kids. AH.

Happy Halloween!!

Things that Help You Write

2010-09-25T20:59:00.003-05:00

Howdy, all! (Ok, I really have never said that out loud before, but it looks good and sounds friendly, right?) I'm underway with fall semester, tackling my first time going full time and wowza! Let me tell you...there's never a moment I don't have something to do! If for some reason I don't get a job after I graduate (um, but I will, right? Right.) I'm going to go crazy suddenly not having much to do during the day. For those that don't know, I'm majoring in early childhood thru 6th grade education. My favorite class this semester, by far, is my musical education class. Then I have biology *gag* which, I'm lucky I have a great teacher but it's still going to be a hard class...and yeah...so not looking forward to the fetal pig dissection.

But my other two classes are observation classes, and one requires me to watch children in a classroom. This got me to thinking about writing, because in a lot of ways, us writers get inspiration based on other people. Now, this isn't other people's idea's I'm talking about (today, anyway). We all know most writers get ideas, or some form of an idea, from other writers or creators. What I'm talking about is more character ideas. In class, we don't just watch their physical movement, we try to observe to understand the thought process. Why is little Susie running around like a crazy child? At first, a lot of us immediately make judgment that Susie is ADHD and probably gets away with everything at home. She's always difficult, has a hard time staying on task, and disrupts the other kids. But then you, let's say, hear a story from another teacher about a child they had in their class that was similar. Are you following me? After hearing how this teacher handled the other child, we go back to our class and watch Susie with a new set of eyes and understanding. We start giving her more leadership tasks to expend some of that energy, things like passing out stuff to keep her up and moving. After hearing from the other teacher, we realize Susie actually has a sense of humor and isn't always trying to be a nuisance. So we back off a little, understand her personality, and the relationship between teacher and student changes and strengthens because of that understanding.

Ok, so it wasn't the best example, but I just got done cramming information into my brain about electrons and ionic bonds and compounds and crap. So there's my excuse. The whole point was that as a writer, we could take a lot from this lesson of observation and put it into our character development. I hear of a lot of writers working in their local coffee shop and people-watch. It can definitely lead to some interesting ideas and characters, but is it the conversation we "watch" more than the actual people? Do we really delve into why they say/react/do things, or do we leave that up to our imagination once we have a general sketch? Just some food for thought.

Now, off I go to revise! I'm halfway through and can I see, I love revising? I really do. To the point I daydream about it on the way to school and then don't want to be at school once I get there, but want to be revising!

Happy weekend!

Pet Peeves When Writing & Reading

2010-09-13T14:39:00.004-05:00

You know you have them. That annoying itch you can't get to go away, even with the pricey anti-fungal cream you put on it, it just keeps coming back and back again and again. Reading books, I tend to find the same kind of irritations. Writing books, I notice certain things I do that make me want to yank my hair out a strand at a time.

One of my bigger pet peeves when reading is repetition or redundancy. Yeah, I mentioned them both to prove a point. I hate being hit over the head again and again with explanations of things I've already been told about. GET ON WITH THE STORY already. I'm not an idiot! I can figure it out, I promise!

Ahem.

I have issues too, though, in my own writing. I think as writers, we all do. You know, writing passive verbs more than you intend to. Making a hand do something you meant your character to do. Have some eyes dance across the floor (creepy image). Have the world "smile" a million times in your manuscript. It happens. One of mine is getting TOO close to my MC that the supporting cast are more like shadows instead of real people.

But the good thing is, eventually that fungal cream starts to work. The more you apply it, the better those breakouts get. The less they start appearing. Just like staying on top of reading what's out there and seeing what works and what drives you crazy (and obviously does not work), and continuing your own writing, improving your skill, and consciously realizing the little pet peeve mistakes you make. Correcting those mistakes to the point you don't have to remind yourself anymore. It's all about mastering the art of illusion in literary form. One itch at a time.

Revision Heaven?

2010-08-30T11:03:00.002-05:00

The first week of fall semester has started, and here I am giddy to delve into revisions instead! There's a common saying around the writer circles, usually consisting of "Revisions" and "Hell" in the same sentence. I have to wonder if I'm mentally insane, or if there are other writers out there who also enjoy revising? There's just something about delving deeper into a project, lacing up the boots of your characters tight around your own feet, continually investigating each plot point and subplot that gives me a sort of school girl giddy high about whatever project it is I'm working on. Don't get me wrong, there are some days when it's grammatical editing I have to work on that I grumble, but most of the time, I really enjoy revising my work...it's another excuse to immerse myself in my self-made fictional world.

What about you? Is it revision hell, or revision heaven? Whatever the case, good luck to those in the tweaking process!

My Newest Addiction Should Be Yours

2010-08-17T22:42:00.006-05:00

It's a good addiction, trust me. But, like any addiction, it isn't for everyone. It keeps me up at night. It enthralls my mind with imagination. It keeps my creative juices spinning. It helps me with plot ideas by coming up with new "What If" questions. It lets me devour certain goals in no time. I can do it anywhere. I can do it while I drive. I can do it while I sleep. I can do it while I do the dishes or the laundry or watch my kids play. The versatility makes this addiction, or obsession, fatal to those who have a hard time controlling themselves.

What is it, you ask?

Do you really want to know? Can you handle the truth? If you think you can, I'm not liable for any of your future lackings...lack of paying attention to your kids, lack of studying skills, lack of taking interest in anything else the entire time you are under consumption.

Audio books.

There, I said it. Audio books.

It's true, though. I started them back in the spring when I realized I had a very hard time fitting in "reading time". It's hard sitting down with two kids, then under 5, and concentrate on reading words while they climb on you as if you were the latest jungle gym at McDonalds. And at night, when your husband hates light, why must you be forced to read somewhere other than where you want to be: in your own bed? And don't even get me started on reading while you drive...

I got hooked on them this summer when night classes started and I had to go to class 4 nights out of the week. My 20 minute drives turned into 30 minute ones just so I could listen to more of my book. They are a God send. I can finish a book just as quickly now as if I were single and childless! (ahem...not that I wish to be, just sayin'...)

I will say, the voice does make or break it. There's only been one book I just couldn't get through because the voice over artists was just....bleck. Sometimes it takes a few chapters for me to adjust to the voices (especially with women trying for a guy's voice and it's just too corny or bad), but eventually I get pulled into the story and the voices don't bother me anymore. The best, by far, is the Gemma Doyle books by Libba Bray. Not just he writing, but Josephine Bailey is the absolute best voice over person I've ever heard in my entire life. Her male voices sound male! And she distinguishes each character in just enough inflection that I always know who is speaking. And she puts such personality into each voice, she's just bloody brilliant!

So, have you tried a hit of audio yet? I've gotten . . . gosh . . . (goes to check goodreads) 7 books completed (plus a few I actually read) during the summer semester...and that's saying something for a full time mommy and night school person! (Not trying to toot my own horn, but really!)

Of course, I don't get enough sleep because of it....I do tend to get a little over my head and listen to a CD until my brain can no longer function enough to understand what it is I'm listening to, and it's 1am, and oh crap I have kids that wake up at 6:30am I better get to sleep, but oh no, what's this, something else is about to happen!

Try it out if you haven't. So convinient. If you have, do you like it as much as this audioholic? (That would be me, because for some reason, I like referring to myself in the third person right now....blame it on the oral presentation I had to do and then all the rest I had to listen to in class tonight....)

Scholarly Complaints and Free Conferences

2010-08-09T11:05:00.007-05:00

Hellooooo out there. Summer school is almost over, THANK GOD. I'm so tired of this class. It's sad, really. I was looking forward to World Literature, but honestly, the enjoyment of the class is all about the teacher. The teacher makes the class tolerable or utterly destroys any chance of someone liking it. Plus, having to read fifty pages every day doesn't help. Mental note: never take a class over the summer that might involve a lot of reading. Seriously. There's a reason I'm taking night school, I have things going on during the day. Finding time to read 50+ pages of someone's work everyday is nearly impossible and harder to really bite into like I would have wanted with this class. I mean, some of these authors are pure inspiration for me, but I barely have a chance to enjoy their work. Sucks. At least I'm finally learning how to use Power Point in an affective way. I get to do an oral presentation about the unfortunate short life of John Keats. Woot!

I'm also prepping for WriteOnCon! Starts tomorrow, who else is joining me there? For those that haven't heard about it, it's a FREE online writer's conference full of great workshops, agents and editors, so get your behind over there and register if you haven't already! Did I mention it was free?

And I'm so stoked about today! For the first time ever I get to take my kid school clothes shopping! (I'd say "Back to School" shopping, but this is her first time in school, so eh....) Wish me luck that I don't break the bank! ;-)

I should be getting back into the normal blogging schedule come fall semester. Until then, still random posts. Remember to keep shining on!

Friday Feeding the Muse

2010-07-16T13:22:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure what the reason has been lately, but I've been having some crazy-ass dreams. Ever since I had my first child, I stopped remembering my dreams. In my previous post (and I'm not sure if this fact was listed or not) I spoke about dreams, and one of the facts was that everyone dreams. Whether you remember it or not depends on if you reach REM sleep, which dreams that happen there are more memorable. This explains a lot about why I haven't, in the past 5 years, remembered most of my dreams. Children sort of take away REM!

I guess the reason I've been able to remember so much more lately is that with school on top of kids, I'm simply too exhausted not to reach REM. The majority of my dreams involve water slides. Like, really twisted, complicated, scary water slides. Different variations in each dream. Anyone feel like analyzing WTF that means? The other night, the dream consisted of well, a water slide, but then also a tree with an inchworm invasion and my husband told me to throw potato chip and Oreo crumbs up on the tree to kill them, because apparently such food was lethal. If that isn't wacky enough, another dream had a wild billy goat chasing me in a blind rage. One minute I was running from him and the next, safe behind a glass door in some random house. The creature slammed into the door, not realizing it was there, and then suddenly...it was a friend of mine's kid. I was all "OMG, are you okay??!"

Anyway! Thought I'd share my nonsense. And now onto the main event. Because I have such a fondness of shakes, I'll share you an easily personalized recipe for one, and because I make the world's best pancakes (if you ask my family, anyway), one of those.

EASY PERSONALIZED YOGURT SMOOTHIE

Need:

Non-fat Plain Yogurt
Almond Butter (or Peanut Butter)
Milk
Honey
Banana
Another fruit (anything goes good with banana...I like blueberries, strawberries, mango, etc. Frozen kinds work great)
Ice for desired consistency
*Wheat Germ
*Flax Seed

*optional and makes great for healthiness

Directions:
I add 2 part yogurt one part milk, a spoonful of the butter, a 1/2 spoonful of honey (or just squeeze it until you think it'll taste good...this is substitute for sugar) and how ever much of the rest you want. Blend and enjoy!

APPLE FRITTER PANCAKES
Need:

Bisquick mix (and the called ingredients for their pancakes)
Stage 2 Baby jar of pureed sweet potatoes (or do it yourself)
2 oz of Apple sauce
few drops of vanilla extract
1/2 tbsp Cinnamon

Directions:
Follow the Bisquick instructions. Thicker batter makes fluffier, thicker pancakes. If you add all your ingredients and it's too runny, just add more bisquick until the consistency is like cake batter. Tastes great with honey as syrup!

Random Monday

2010-07-12T12:48:00.004-05:00

Poor, poor blog. I've been neglecting it so much as of late. I've had this longing, however, to post something . . . anything and to read up on my fellow bloggers places. I finished one summer semester last Thursday and begin a new one tonight! I've also devoured 4 books (does anyone else love audio books? So convenient!) and have been writing a little here and there. As much as I love lazy summer days (not really lazy once you grow into an adult, eh?) I'm excited for the fall. By far, it's my favorite season, and my kid starts kindergarten and maybe, just maybe I'll find time between classes to finish my WIP The In-Between.

Now on to the randomness. How do your dreams inspire you? I know of a lot of writers that get their work or ideas from dreams. Whether from dreams deep in REM sleep or dreams from daydreaming, I'm not sure. For me, usually nothing useful comes from my REM dreams. Daydreaming, however, is another story all together. Especially if I can control where it begins and then let my subconscious take over. Do either of these work for you?

Random Dream Facts:

You cannot snore and dream at the same time.

By the time we die, most of us will have spent a quarter of a century asleep, of which six years or more will have been spent dreaming—and almost all of those dreams are forgotten upon waking. (If this would include daydreaming, I'll probably double that average....for me...)
About 80% of neonatal and newborn sleep time is REM sleep, suggesting a tremendous amount of time dreaming.
According to Plato, dreams originate in the organs of the belly. Plato describes the liver in particular as the biological seat of dreams.
Aside from those who experience certain kinds of injury, it’s a biological fact that everyone dreams. However, not everyone remembers his or her dreams.
Dreams of losing teeth or having teeth extracted can signify many things, including fears of helplessness or of some sort of loss in one’s life. Women experience more teeth dreams than men. (So THAT'S why I kept having those weird dreams during my mom's divorce...)
William Shakespeare (1564-1616), like his Greek playwright predecessors, used dreams in his dramas to help advance plot and develop characters. For example, dreams in Hamlet, Macbeth, Richard the III, Romeo and Juliet, and King Lear offer key psychological and symbolic insights into the motives and internal landscapes of important characters.
People who are born blind report no visual imagery in dreams, but they experience a heightened sense of taste, touch, and smell. Those who become sightless between the ages of five and seven may have visual images in their dreams, while those who lose their vision after age seven continue to “see” in their dreams, though images tend to fade as they grow older.
(And for anyone dreaming about Edward...) Vampires are important fixtures in folklore, and their appearance in dreams can represent our general fears and anxieties or can embody anxieties about our sexuality.

Random dream facts found at Random Facts.

And the Summer Winner Is.....

2010-06-23T21:06:00.006-05:00

Hello! Sorry I'm a little late in getting this up. My excuse is a government test, but you know, who likes excuses?

So, thanks to randomizer.org, the winner is Cheyanne! Please e-mail me at christacarol_jones(at)yahoo(dot)com with your mailing address and which critique you'd like: First 10 pages, Query, or 2-5 page Synopsis. CONGRATS!!!

I really enjoyed reading all of your favorite childhood memories in the summertime. While I have many memories of running barefoot after the ice cream truck (and the ice cream man frequently giving me an extra free treat), I also have vivid memories of running through the neighborhood to squeeze out of the small crack in the brick wall, cross the busy street to 7-11, and spend a looong time picking out which jolly ranchers I wanted (for 5 cents each) and filling up a Big Gulp with Slurpees. And then there were the times me and a neighbor would tie a pillow case around our necks and run around the street jumping off mailboxes (um, the brick ones) pretending to be Wonder Woman. All of this, of course, was done barefoot.

I hope everyone is having a saucy summer so far! Bare with me as I play around with the new template thingie majig. I need to fix my header now, it annoys me being off-center! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to crash. With music camp in the mornings and swim lessons in the late afternoons followed by night school, I'm ZAPPED.

SHINE ON!

Teaser Tuesday

2010-06-14T23:31:00.011-05:00

I'm still alive! Summer classes are actually nice, because I get a break away from home and the kids. Maybe online classes aren't all they're cracked up to be. ;-)

Before I go into the tease, I have to give a shout out for some awesome stuff. My writing friend, Lisa Brackman, had her book released on June 1st, ROCK PAPER TIGER and has been busy, busy on her mini-book tour. Check this out if you haven't. If I can't convince you, read all the reviews!

I figured while I'm up late waiting to jump on registering for fall semester (starts at midnight and the online classes fill fast), I thought I'd *gasp* blog! Seeing as it's almost Tuesday, i figured a teaser was in order. And because I'm loving me some Mythic lately plotting the idea for its sequel, I felt it appropriate to share a snippet from it!

Random note: My TX Government teacher really makes me want to get more involved. Really. I'm considering running for a position on the Texas Board of Education one day (preferably a day that doesn't involve so much other stuff going on in my life....)

Remember, if you haven't stopped by to enter my Fantabulous Summer Giveaway, do it now!

Blogger is being weird with my formatting so it may show up funny in the middle, but I'm tired of messing with it!

Info: Thanatos (god of Death) has just pulled Jessa into the underworld through the navel of the world.

***

Paul’s scream faded as abruptly as Thanatos’s pull. The earth closed. Dust choked me. I clawed, thrashed, but Thanatos wrapped his arms around my stomach and pulled me down.

Something pulsed against the space around me. Wings. This was totally not how I planned on getting to the Underworld. I dug my nails into Thanatos’s hands until I knew it hurt him. He squeezed harder, threatening to crack every rib. I sucked in a breath and stopped.

He whispered in my ear, “I told you, you’ll be his ruin.”

I squirmed. He kept talking, taking us down further. “He was stupid to bring you there, and now I’ll have you both out of the way. Anyone who has sympathy for your kind doesn’t deserve the title of god. You made it too easy.”

I ground my teeth and swung my heel up in between his legs. His grip weakened a fraction of a second. It had to have hurt him, but he only laughed. “Your naivety will be the death of you, and everyone else’s, for that matter.”

“I’m going to kill you.” I reached back and grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked.

He growled and tried pushing my hand away with one arm. Broken feathers fluttered against my cheek. I twisted with the partial freedom he’d mistakenly given me and clawed at his face. His decent spiraled out of control. The one grip he had on my arm tightened. He was going to shatter the bone again. Not if I could help it. I jabbed an elbow up into his throat, grabbed the hilt of my sword, and yanked it free.

Thanatos let go.

My scream reverberated off whatever walls surrounded me as I plummeted through the dark, leaving my stomach somewhere up above. The sword slipped from my grip. Every dream or vision I’d ever had flashed behind my eyes in what felt like an endless fall.

Shine On!

Fantabulous Summer Giveaway!

2010-05-30T21:41:00.004-05:00

Happy Memorial Day, all!

My heart goes out to all of those who fight for our country, and to all of those who have family and/or friends that do. To you all, I say: THANK YOU!

I want to apologize for my absence last week. Kiddo graduated, we had field day, and just a butt load of stuff going on. Also, I have sorta sad news and then GREAT news (hint: blog title). Sad news first:

I’m taking a blogging hiatus (I know I’ve said this before and like, came back the next day....) but there is honestly just too much going on. With my kid starting Kindergarten in 2 ½ months, the maternal part of me has overwhelmed my entire brain/heart, leaving me wanting to do nothing but spend time with my girls. So from: going to the library, movie theater, Putt-Putt, Chuck E. Cheese, bowling, water park, swimming, museum, zoo, music camp, gymnastics camp, VBS….and you know, whatever else I think of and throw on my calendar, Imma be tiiiired (and hopefully, my kids too....)

And then there’s summer school. Stupid me actually registered for the WRONG classes and am panicky about talking to someone, which I can’t until Tuesday. Which is when classes start. EEEP. But those classes are all night classes, which is usually my time to write. So the only time I’ll have for writing is Fri-Sun, in between family time and normal weekend stuff (yard, house, etc.)

I’ll throw in some random posts between now and the end of summer, but nothing regular.

Onto the great news! In honor of my summer hiatus, and you know, the fact it’s practically here, I’m going to throw a FANTABULOUS SUMMER GIVEAWAY in which you could win my fun summer reading package plus some!

(um, my dog decided to be nosey...literally...and doncha love the summery color?) It includes a hard copy of The Hunger Games, paperbacks of Evermore, Poison Study, Magic Study, in honor of national Chocolate day, a package of Dove Dark Chocolates (because what’s reading without these delicious morsels of heaven?) and because it'’ fun and I dunno, summery, a brand new DVD “Footloose”. And for those writers wanting more writerly stuff, I’ll also do a critique of your first 10 pages, or synopsis, or a query, depending on what stage you're in. As for my style: I’m no softy, I’m fairly blunt, but I’m also courteous!

Deadline is June 21st, the Summer Solstice.

How do you win this?

All you have to do is leave a comment describing your favorite childhood memory of summer. It can be anything from running barefoot down the street to catching the ice cream truck, or the time you were playing Marco Polo and got pantsed (oh, was that just me? Kidding, kidding, that never happened….), you know, stuff like that.

After June 21st, I’ll use the random number generator majig and the winner, um, wins!

Until then beautiful people, I’ll see you possibly before then, possibly not, but either way, make sure to SHINE ON with your bad selves.

P.S. Because my dog apparently got jealous of the camera time the prizes got, here I present to you my practice child, Neville Jones:

Friday's Feeding the Muse

2010-05-21T17:44:00.005-05:00

I know this is a little late in the day but it's been hard getting on the computer. Even now I have a littlie hanging on my leg.

Today I present you with the snack I ate today that is easy and delightfully scrumptious.

The Best Ever Italian Cucumber Sandwich

You Need:

Loaf of French Bread
Packet of Italian Salad Dressing (the dry kind to make your own)
Cucumber
Mayo

Directions:

Easy! Cut the loaf into slices (nothing fancy like up above unless you want to)...
Mix some mayo and the seasoning (amount depends on you and how much you're going to serve/eat...play with it! Sprinkle a little bit in at a time and try...you don't need much!)
Cut cucumber slices
Spread mayo mix on bread slice and top it off with cucumber
Munch away!

And now I get to spend all weekend on my mommy vacation! Squee! I'll be back next week, so be sure to SHINE ON in my absence!

Loving Life (and a Small Snippet)

2010-05-19T11:39:00.006-05:00

Life is such a leech sometimes! In a good way (for me, anyway). I know I've been slacking with my blogging lately, but when you got

<---these eyes looking up at you all the time and they're about to leave you for good to school, don't you think it'd be a little hard to get lost anywhere else but with her? (This pic is from her dance recital last week.)

Yesterday we spent a blissful afternoon planting flowers, eating popsicles, and sitting under our tree in shade and pointing out cloud pictures (while baby was napping). It's moments like that I'm going to miss sooooooo incredibly much. My heart hurts just thinking about her being gone for 7 hours 5 days a week.

Ah! Someone hand me a tissue. Or a box.

So that's where I've been hiding. With my girls, cherishing the great weather (...hate wind!) and trying to do these things I won't be able to do much of, if at all, once she starts school. At least I have one more girl to enjoy such moments with. Then i'll really have a melt down when SHE starts school.

I didn't do a teaser this week, and have been madly typing/revising away the dystopian pictured up on the right. I'll leave you with this:

(notice the personalities shining through: Strong willed & Mischievous...I'm in for it in 10 years)

And a small snippet:

I kept crawling, keeping my eyes open enough to see where I was going. Eventually I found a tree and pried one eye fully open. Though it was heavily shadowed thanks to the thick canopy above, the haze of light still gave me a throbbing headache. Getting to my feet, I weaved through the trees like a drunk, my knees achy and my eyesight crap.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been wandering, staggering around, when I heard a sound. I froze behind a tree at another yell. From the sound of it, it was a girl, and she was searching for someone.

“Jesse! Come here, girl!” She whistled and clicked her tongue.

The shrub next to me rustled and spit out a giant ball of brown fur. I let out a yell and fell back on my ass. I clenched a fistful of soil.

If I ran, the thing would kill me. I could try and wrestle it, but lately the odds had been against me. The big dog landed near my feet and barked. I froze and glared at it, going for the whole ‘no fear’ method. It came at my face. I jerked an arm up. And then it licked my ear.

It took a second or two to get over my shock that the dog hadn’t tried to tear me to pieces. That’s when I really got a look at her.

“You must be Jesse,” I said, forcing myself to hold out a hand for the dog to sniff. I tried not to twitch when she rubbed her nose against my fingers, getting ready for her to change her mind and bite it off. Instead, she just continued to press her wet nose against my hand as if she wanted a good scratch. I couldn’t help but laugh. Her fur was thick, soft, and I marveled at it. A dog. A big, fluffy, brown dog that wasn’t chasing after me or trying to eat me alive.

A burst of movement behind us sent me to my feet as I simultaneously grabbed a random stick. I turned around as fast as I could with my pack on and held the stick out. Then I got a good look at it. Figures. I chucked the good-for-nothing twig to the ground and dug one foot in the dirt in case I needed to escape. This place had light, the people would be different, and I had no clue what I’d be up against. If this girl called for help, I was screwed. And I wasn’t the type to go around hitting girls.

Random Replacement

2010-05-13T23:21:00.007-05:00

I went to post a "random thoughts" post last night, because I've been too preoccupied *coughlazycough* to write the blog post I've been thinking about for like, a week. Well, when I got to my first random thought about why bad things happened in three, I was about to question if "someone up there" had a rule about this when my laptop came unplugged (and I have no battery). So um, maybe someone was sending me a message not to talk smack? :-P

Anyway, I'm still desktopless. Oooo, throwing a pork chop out to all my purgie friends. That will only make sense to them I'm sure. But anyway, I set up my laptop up on my desk finally (I had to clean it first...that took a while). I wanted to do something a little different from Good News Thursday. Granted, I do have to give a shout out to my writing colleague Jenny Martin who snagged the awesomeness that is Mark Kole (of Andrea Brown). Congrats, ladies! And, of course, if you haven't wandered on over to Do the Write Thing for Nashville, go now! I believe it ends Monday, and your donation goes to the flood victims of Tennessee. Tomorrow (Friday) I do believe they'll have some sort of raffle for those like me who can only afford smaller donations.

The dystopian WIP is coming along great. I've made a personal goal of one chapter a night and revising it the next day. I only have around 3 weeks to write before summer school snags me!

But onto the randomness!

Here are 16 actual error messages (or so I've been told...either way, some funny stuff) seen on the computer screens in Japan, where they are written in Haiku.

The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.
Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.
Having been erased, The document you're seeking must now be retyped.
Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Shine On!

I Survived! (Teaser Tuesday)

2010-05-11T07:37:00.003-05:00

Yay! I passed my classes, and am oh so very happy to have the next three weeks off to write, write, write before summer school starts!

I'm sure a lot of you may already know about the awesomeness that is going down for Do the Write Thing for Nashville, but if not, ZOMG, you need to head over there! A lot of the bids get really high, but it's for a great cause, and there are ways to donate whatever you want. I believe they will be doing a raffle sometime soon as well. All donations go to help the flood victims of Tennessee. Some fantastic agents, editors, authors, and pros of the biz are offering some amazing things! Like full manuscript critiques, lunch, signed books, query critiques, you name it! Check it out!

I'm still gathering my sanity back now that school is over, so nothing more intelligent to say. I'll leave you with a snippet from my Middle Grade WIP. Our MC is 11-year-old Gavin. A necklace found him on the way home from school (dropping from the sky) and it's shoved in his backpack which is left in the bathroom thanks to the pouring rain and him having to change into dry clothes. So enjoy, and Shine on!

***

Gavin peered out the bay window, searching for someone, a neighbor, a mailman, or maybe a burglar. “I saw someone walk past the bathroom window,” he said, eyes glued to the yard.

His dad laughed out his nose, short and breathy. He straightened the newspaper and returned to reading. “It’s pouring down rain, Gav. Shouldn’t you be cleaning up that mess in the foyer?”

“What?” Gavin broke his concentration to give his dad a confused look. “I have homework to do, make Lainey clean it up.”

“Excuse me?” His dad gave him a stern look.

“Why don’t you believe me? I swear I saw somebody.”

“Fine,” said his dad. He folded up the paper and placed it on the kitchen table. “If you’re that worried, I’ll go check it out. But while I do that, you need to go clean up that mess before someone slips and gets hurt.”

“It isn’t my mess,” Gavin muttered. He moped back to the bathroom to grab a towel. His dad was probably right, anyway. Mom had always gotten onto him for his overactive imagination. Besides, it was right in the middle of the day. Maybe it was a neighbor.

The warm doorknob turned in his hand and he pushed open the door. Two steps in, he froze. His eyes trailed from the towel on the rack, to the face and palms pressed against the outside of the fogged window.

“Dad!”

The person rushed out of sight. Gavin spun and darted out the bathroom. “Dad! I saw them! They’re running towards the fro—AHoomf!” His shoes squeaked over the tile and Gavin went careening through the foyer before smacking into the side of the stair banister.

“What’s going on? Any louder and you’ll wake up Kara!” His mom whispered harshly from the second floor.

Gavin couldn’t think straight. His eyes felt like they were rolling in the back of his head, and his shoulder like it was on fire. The same spot that stupid necklace had hit.

Gavin whipped his head to the opened bathroom door. The necklace. . .

Taken Captive

2010-05-03T20:24:00.002-05:00

Dear Readers,

I've successfully sneaked away to inform you that not only is my personal computer terminally ill (bye bye, butt loads of family pictures--and thankGodIbackedupmymanuscripts), but that I've also been taken prisoner. My captor, Evil Finals, now to be known as Ze Evil, has been keeping me locked up under a tight watch. No matter my pleas, Ze Evil will not release me until next week. Unless, of course, I end up failing my exams, in which then Ze Evil says my life might certainly be in question.

Please, no rescue attempts. It will only anger Ze Evil, and I'm not sure I wish to suffer under such consequences. At least he feeds me well. One can't be smart with out good nutrition, right? So adieu, until next week . . . by then, if you don't hear from me, assume Ze Evil has had me terminated. *gulp*

Yours Truly,

CC the Captive

Friday's Feeding the Muse

2010-04-30T13:10:00.005-05:00

So I didn't get up a Good News Thursday because after a friend of mine insisted I audition for GLEE, I swear something in Myspace crashed my PC. I'm currently using my husband's, as mine is still giving me the Blue Screen of Death. And no worries, my audition somehow didn't go through, either. I searched but couldn't find it, so I'm thinking I had some major computer failure yesterday. Ah well. I doubt I'll ever be brave enough to post the actual audition. It was Avril Lavine's "Keep Holding On". Maybe I should hold a poll? *snort*

Anyway! Today's Feeding the Muse is something simple, because I'm in a simple-minded mood right now.

Chocolate Pretzels

You need:

Favorite chocolate (dark, milk, white) in the chip form

Pretzels (go figure)
Sprinkles (if you so desire
Wax paper or a really good spatula and your counter

Directions:

Melt the chocolate in the microwave in 30 second intervals, stirring after each.
Put the sprinkles (if you want them) in a bowl.
When chocolate is nice and melted, dip pretzels in bowl (using either tongs or forks, or fingers and only partially submerging) then dip in sprinkles, and lay on wax paper to harden.
Once you have your desired amount, put in fridge to speed up the process and munch away!

Enjoy the snack that is sure to inspire your muse and

Shine On!

iPad vs Kindle: Where Will Publishing Take Us?

2010-04-27T20:41:00.004-05:00

Sorry I've been off my blogging schedule. Domesticity has taken me by the claws and flung me in the midst of very Better Crockerly things. I had this awesome post planned about what being a writer would look like on Monster.com, but I've yet to finish it, and my awesome husband called me to say NPR had something interesting on.

Of course, I scoffed, because really, I'm so not to type to enjoy listening to NPR (I like the music, baby!). But I turned it on, and lo and behold, got stuck listening. My hubby is the greatest.

The subject is maybe old news to some, but still something largely talked about. The interviewee was Ken Auletta, writer of The New Yorker, and who recently published this article, Publish or Perish. It's a long article, but very much worth reading if you missed some of the stuff going on between Macmillan and Amazon, but also, about the e-book business in general. How the iPad will change the future of e-books and publishing, and a lot of great information and detail about the whole thing.

I must say, after reading it, I sort of never want to buy anything from Amazon again. While I know I probably will (at the last resort, of course), I'm all for the brick and mortars and other smaller book selling sites.

One of the last things Auletta says is, "No matter where consumers buy books, their belief that electronic media should cost less—that something you can’t hold simply isn’t worth as much money—will exert a powerful force."

What say you?

Good News Thursday

2010-04-22T13:08:00.005-05:00

In honor of Earth Day, I give you this earthy smiley face! How has your week been? Any good news you wanna share?

I've got a couple of things, one in which is one of my new WIPs (temporarily titled GOT SPIRIT?) and it's placement on my site. Check out the mock cover over there ---->

All about cheerleading! Loving it so far. I've also decided what I'm getting for my birthday from husband . . . a weekend OFF. Hello spa day, night in a hotel, reading, writing, hot tub, and doing whatever the heck I want! It's like a dream come true (um, does that make me a sad little person?) and I'm really excited.

On to some other good news stuff: You have until April 25th to win an ARC of THE DUFF by Kody Keplinger (and it sounds so fantastic!) go enter!

On April 27, Chris Richman of Upstart Crow Literary, is having a contest over at QueryTracker. Got a one sentence pitch for your MG or YA? Don't miss out! He's not capping entries!

And thanks to Krista V. over at Mother. Write. (Repeat.) for awarding me The Silver Lining Award!

Some bloggers full of cheerfulness I'll pass this on to are:

Samuel Park (and his Daily Pep For Writers)

Sara Raasch (because her blog always make me crack a smile...or laugh)

and Sharla Scroggs (because of her awesome positive attitude!)

Give them a look-see, I'm sure you won't be disappointed! I hope everyone has a fab rest of the week. I may or may not post a Friday Feeding the Muse, I'm actually starting back up the Zumba classes now that baby is only taking one afternoon nap a day *mourn*. Thanks for stopping by and

Shine On!

April Excerpt Monday

2010-04-19T06:35:00.002-05:00

Once a month, a bunch of authors get together and post excerpts from published
books, contracted work or works in progress, and link to each other. You don't
have to be published to participate–just a writer with an excerpt you'd like to
share. For more info on how to participate, head over to the Excerpt Monday
site! or click on the banner above.

I discovered this cool place, hosted by Bria Quinlan and Mel/Alexia Reed and realized I had to join in. So, the third Monday of every month, I'll be a part of Excerpt Monday, where a group of writers link to each other's writing snippets. On those weeks, I'll not post a Teaser Tuesday. In fact, tomorrow will maybe have something to do about writing formula's, assuming I can write the blog (have ANOTHER algebra test to study for, ag!).

So, without further ado, my first entry into Excerpt Monday is from my completed ms, MYTHIC. I may be brave enough to post next week's Teaser from my new WIP, but not today. For those reading this piece for the first time, Jessa is the MC, the new "Hercules", though she's realized she might not want that title. Thanatos, the god of Death, is using his power of influence on her to bring her to the Underworld....

***

“Where are you going?” Cynthia asked. Her brutal tone returned.

Where was I going? “It’s time,” I heard myself say. My feet moved on their own, oblivious to my mind screaming to stop. Hypnos had no power on me, so why did Thanatos?

A full fledged freak-attack was an under-statement. Inside, I clawed at my mind for some sort of control, but could only watch helplessly as my body moved through the tiled kitchen hallway and into the dining room. This was worse than last night. Being paralyzed from looking at his eyes was one thing, but to have him manipulate my body like a puppet?

Beyond the cherry wood dining table and six fancy chairs were the windows facing the backyard. I couldn’t see him waiting. That didn’t stop my feet or my spirit’s longing.

“Jessa?” Henry now. I couldn’t turn and look. Didn’t want to.

I had to get outside. I had to find him, see his eyes, watch the River Styx ripple in his gaze. Nothing mattered anymore. Only to satisfy my craving, get to him before they could stop me. My fear didn’t make sense anymore. A thought touched my brain, soft and breezy as a feather. Thanatos would help. Everything would be okay.

My hand felt the cool metal of the knob as I turned it, opened the door, and stepped out. The center of the backyard was nothing but grass. A short crape myrtle near the back fence fluttered pink blossoms to the ground.

And in a ripple of colors, Thanatos materialized, standing in the center of the grass. He looked like an angel. I’d never seen his wings before, white feathers tinted blue against the afternoon sun and spanned wide behind him. Silently, he called to me. I held onto my breath, feeling parts of my soul slipping out of my grasp. I had no feeling, no thought. Everything was distant, numb. Beautiful.

My focus sharpened like it had in battle. The flecks of his eyes shifted, misting over into a river. But it was a different river this time. Not black like Styx, but a deep blue. Lethe, the river of forgetfulness.

Thanatos opened his arms. I felt his invisible tug on my core. Whispers gently touched the edges of my numb consciousness. Lethe would fill my emptiness. Everything would be okay. Come to Thanatos.

I heard Cynthia and Henry scramble out the backdoor.

“What the hell is going on?” said Cynthia.

They couldn’t see him? Made things easier, I guessed. I reached out to Thanatos.

I’ll take away the hurt. You’ll be normal again. A trip through the river and you’ll remember none of this. Your soul will be cleansed.

Cleansed. A cleansed soul sounded good. It’d be like waking up from a bad dream, but for real this time. No more gods hunting me down and no more ugly monsters trying to shred me to pieces. No more having to deal with saving the world while balancing my normal life, no more secrets from my mom and friends. No more Cynthia and no more Henry.

No more Paul.

My feet stopped. Would he just be a dream stuffed away into my subconscious? Thanatos pulled again, like he’d lassoed my soul and wasn’t going to let go that easily.

Paul. I closed my eyes, saw him hold me, kiss the top of my head, pull away to see my face while in a timeless place full of golden sunlight, warmth and eternal love. That didn’t exist. It hadn’t existed, not with me but with Amara. I was just an image that stirred up old memories for Paul. If he cared as much as in that vision, why had he left so easily? I let out what I expected would be my last breath on earth before Thanatos took me to the Underworld to make me normal, and opened my eyes. “I’m ready.”

A blinding light blinked in the sky. It fell to the earth like a giant blue-flamed meteorite, streaked across the backyard, and slammed into Thanatos. My soul snapped back in place. I gasped, staggered back. Every original thought that belonged to me shattered the wall Thanatos had somehow built around my mind. Holy hell. A raging headache pulsed against my skull. I caught my breath and looked up. Within the amazing ball of light, I saw him. Paul was back.

Links to other Excerpt Monday writers:

So, to kick it off, your hosts:

Bria Quinlan, Rom Com (PG13)
and
Alexia Reed, Urban Fantasy (R)

Joining us this week:

Jaleta Clegg , Science Fiction (PG13)
ChristaCarol Jones, Young Adult (PG 13)
Nadia Lee , Paranormal Romance (PG13)
Shawntelle Madison,Paranormal Romance (PG13)
Debbie Mumford, Fantasy (PG 13)
Isabelle Santiago, YA romantic fantasy (PG 13)

Stephanie Draven, Fantasy with romantic elements (R)
Cate Hart, YA Paranormal (R)
Inez Kelley, Fantasy Romance (R)
Charlotte McClain, Sweet Romance (R)
Danielle Yockman, Historical Romance (R)

Emily Ryan-Davis, Futuristic Romance (NC 17)
Gail Roarke, Contemporary erotica (NC 17)

Note: I have not personally screened these excerpts. Please heed the ratings and

be aware that the links may contain material that is not typical of my site.

Infatuation Replaces Good News Thursday

2010-04-14T20:39:00.004-05:00

Hello, my name is ChristaCarol Jones, and I'm a writerholic.

One thing I love about going to things like conferences is the inspiration and motivation floating in the air like a contagious disease. Ever since returning, all I think, breathe, sleep are my stories. Every waking minute I want to write, even when it's completely impossible. Study for algebra? Pffft. Relaxing day at the spa? Hah! Give me some good tunes and silence, and let me type until my fingers fall off, please.

(Well, I *am* going to get a weekend OFF...that's right...VACATION TIME all weekend in a few weeks. Away from kids. Away from loving hubs. Just me, with no responsibility. I plan on then visiting the spa, and....yes, you guessed it, writing!)

I had so much fun at the conference I actually forgot to take many pictures. The two I'll share are Tiffany and I reading the same book (no, this wasn't planned!) up above, and my other awesome YA friend, Jenny (from Book Binge) at one of the agent parties.

I really wish I had more pictures to share, it really was an amazing time. Sick of hearing that yet? But because of my mind being completely ruled by my muse, Good News Thursday is pretty much all about me blabbering about this conference, missing the great friends I got to meet up with, and my WIPs. MYTHIC, of course, has not been a WIP for a while, and all I want to say is keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!

I have the MG, which I've tentatively titled The Cloud Crystal, that I'm slowly making progress on. And a new YA non-fantasy contemporary that I'm just now plotting. I also have another YA fantasy I've plotted already, fermenting in my head until I'm ready to release it on paper...er....the PC? I've never had the problem of multiple projects, so we'll see how I deal. I'm looking forward to my Wed. night meet-ups with DFW Writers' Workshop, and my weekend meetups with Tiffany. There are days I sort of wish I wasn't in school, just for the sake of time and stress. But I really want my Bachelors, too. At least it's only part time. And so far, I'm making a B+ in both classes, that counts for something, right?

So I think I've blabbed enough! I'd love to know if you have any good news to share or things to blab about. Or, since I failed my duty of linking to contests, if you have one to talk about, you know what to do!

Shine On!

Still Coming Off My High

2010-04-12T06:26:00.009-05:00

Cloud 9 high, that is. :D

This weekend was a complete blast. A great birthday present, if I do say so myself. I'm still coming off the cloud, so today's post shall be nothing but pure giddiness and none sense. Maybe I'll have something more useful and educational to say once I fall back into normal-life-routine. All I'm really going to say today is:

If you haven't been to DFWCon, register for next year! Seriously, amaaaaazing.
A writer can never stop learning and mastering their craft.
Perseverance is a key quality if you wanna make it in this biz.
My favorite: AGENTS ARE HUMANS. Really. They're not some cyborg creation that have no emotion and enjoy automatically rejecting writers. They live (gasp), breathe (gasp), and have a sense of humor (no way!). Seriously. And what's more important that goes along with this:
Going to conferences is a must as a writer. I understand why so many agents sign on clients they've met at conferences. Think about it. That chemistry you can't obtain over the interwebz and e-mail. More on this later.
The house doesn't burn down if I'm gone for 2 days. And the kids are still alive.

I'll eventually climb down and post a real, you know, brain-growing post. But for now I'm going to continue to bask in the greatness that was this weekend (and um, my birthday), because waking up from a good dream is never something I want to rush in doing.

Good News Thursday

2010-04-08T09:18:00.006-05:00

Why must all four-year-olds come with an attitude? I mean, really. Most times, it drives me beyond bonkers and to the point of going bald. Then there are times like the other day, when Big A is running around with sass, and is told something she can’t do by husband. She got mad and started sticking her tongue out and making faces at him (which I’m really trying to curb) and it went exactly like this:

DH: You need to stop that, sticking your tongue out is a big no no.

Big A: (not missing a beat) You’re a big no no!

. . . . . .er . . . .

Really? I mean, sheesh. If my mom were there, she’d be pointing at me and laughing her ass off, saying something along the lines of: “Haha! Karma’s a bitch!” Because Karma knows I’ve had a mouth on me since I came into the world. (PS, that isn't my kid up there.)

All of that aside, she really is a great kid!

So onto Good News Thursday, ‘cause you know, none of that had anything to do with good news! What have YOU got to share?

In my neck o’ tha’ woods, I’ve got my friend Tiffany Neal and her first interview here. The interviewer is Kristen Yard, Tiff’s crit partner, and they have some major comedic chemistry going on over there!

In contest news, KT Literary is having a chance to win a phone conversation with Agent Kate, but you have to share your early early work! (We’re talking Jr. High or High School).

Over at Rosemary Clement-Moore’s blog, there are tons of prize chances for a GREAT cause in donating to the UNF's Nothing but Nets Campaign to help the Malaria in Africa.

And over at Lisa & Laura’s blog, they’re doing ANOTHER contest/giveaway. These two are full of win! (and giving hearts!)

As for me, I’m gearing up for the DFW Writers’ Conference agent party tomorrow night. I’m excited about meeting up with a few online blogger/AWers as well! This weekend shall be terrific! And I hope yours is, too!

Teaser Tuesday & Winner!

2010-04-06T09:13:00.002-05:00

After using Random.org list randomizer (putting everyone’s name that entered down for each point they received), I then drew the winner using its random number generator, and the winner is….

Alice Loweecey!

Alice, please e-mail me at christacarol_jones (@) yahoo (dot) com with the prize of your choice listed here! Congrats!! And thanks to all who entered and spread the love. I love contests and will definitely be having another one soon!

It’s two for two on teaser Tuesday. That’s a lot of Ts! I reworked the beginning of MYTHIC after some feedback from the GE contest (that I placed 3^rd in! *shameless pride?*) and the first chapter can be read here. (I just noticed the formatting is all wonky, I'll get to it after I shuttle kiddo to dance class!)

On the blog, I give you Jessa’s first encounter with the Lord of the Dead.

***

Sleeping wasn’t easy at all, despite my body’s fatigue. I tossed, turned, and clutched Bunny tighter. I dozed in and out, seeing glimpses of figures outside my window and hearing their voices.

When my brain finally relaxed enough for me to drift off completely, the visions started. Fire leaped out of the black void of my mind. I went in without fear; determined to bring something back that could tell me everything I wanted to know. My past, my future, the future of mankind. Could I guide my visions to do things like that?

My thoughts fumbled at the sight of something moving through the fire. A shadow, a figure . . . a person stepping towards me. Cropped dark hair, fierce brown eyes reflecting the flames of Hell devouring all. The stranger stood tall, broad, intimidating, shirtless, with tan skin revealing rocking abs and muscular arms.

This was all a vision. I repeated it in my head until the words no longer made sense. Behind him, within the growing flames of orange and yellow, walked a three-headed dog. The man’s voice cracked my wall of self-assuredness.

“Hello, Amara.”

My entire body went rigid. I searched for a way out of my own head. The distance between us vanished as the flames inches in front of me molded into his form. I froze. “My name is Jessa.”

He smiled, dark, beautiful, terrifying. My brain knew who he was, but I couldn’t listen. Didn’t want to. “I’m starting to feel a little put out. I’ve offered you a warm invitation, and you’ve yet to respond.”

Frantically, I tried to find the part in my brain that controlled my mouth. My voice came out breathless and scared. “What do you want from me?”

His smile didn’t budge. He sighed between his lips and held out his hand. “To give you the answers you so desire.”

His hand was ageless, flawless, inviting. I looked back at him, hating the magnetism he had on me. “I desire nothing from you.” Dammit, my voice was so weak and girly.

“That isn’t true.” He turned his hand palm down but kept it out, waiting for me to take it. “They won’t tell you the secrets of your past. I will. I see everything, know all. And they don’t trust you enough to share with you what you really are.”

I bit the inside of my cheeks, defiant and smug. “I know what I am.”

“Do you?”

His words sent doubt chewing away my confidence. “Yes.” But even I could hear the uncertainty in my voice.

He shook his head and tsked. “Dear Amara, they’ve kept the most important thing from you.”

I swallowed, the hot air drying my throat, and gave up on correcting his usage of my name. “And what exactly is that?”

“They failed to mention that you, Amara, were the first demigod after Hercules.”

Needs a Stop Button for Eating Candy

2010-04-04T21:49:00.005-05:00

Hope everyone had a peachy weekend! Mine was filled with clouds, drizzle, lots of family, lots of eggs, and lots of candy.

Quick note: The Greatest Blog Contest EVAR ends Monday, 12pm PST (just because it's always EST and I wanna show some west coast love). You still have a chance to enter and win one of several books! I'll announce the winner with my teaser Tuesday.

What are your plans for the week? I'm starting to get a little spastic about the DFW Writers' Conference coming up in 5 days! Squee! It's going to be such a blast, and I know my brain is going to grow ten times larger. Speaking of my brain growing, that algebra test I scored a B on? Yeah well, my teacher posted the actual grades on Friday....

I MADE AN A!!!!

I went into shock again.

Also, I'm sure this is hard to believe *wink* but I'll be turning the big 3-0 in exactly one week. GAH! I don't feel 30, not anywhere close to 30. Which is why I'll write YA the rest of my life. Makes me feel younger *snort*. No, really. Besides, mentally, I'm stuck somewhere (waaaaay) back in the age frame anyway. I'll never mentally see myself older than say, 23. Yeah, that sounds good.

Physically is another thing all together. Let's just not go there. I did win a free airbrush tan. THAT was fun and my husband likes me with a tan so now I'm trying to find out ways to afford it all the time. :->

I have realized each year I get older is another year I find something I enjoy doing I use to never do (like pedicures, spa massages, tanning, etc.) I guess with age, you learn pampering = good and feeling young? Or you just get smarter? *shrug*

Shine On!

Leading Ladies in YA and Trend Changing

2010-04-02T07:25:00.007-05:00

There’s been recent talk around the blogosphere about, well, for the sake of niceties, weak female protagonists. A group of us got together this week and decided to add our thoughts to this subject, so be sure to check out the other links below for some more discussion!

I’m not going to name anything specific, because I respect every author out there, and despite my personal opinions, have enjoyed most of the books that have been under examination. But I do want to talk about why it would be nice to have more active, kick ass female leads. Because that’s what I, as a YA reader, enjoy reading about most.

Sure, relating to characters is great. I’m all for that. Being realistic, that’s good too. But can we not have a relatable character that is someone who inspires you? Who takes the lead (even at times, with guys)? Who steps up, works through her flaws, maybe kicks some ass on the way (in my books anyway, hee!)? There are some great books I’ve enjoyed that do this and I’ll talk further about it in other posts. But this topic is something I’m really passionate about: strong female leads. When I say strong, I don't mean physically, and sometimes not even emotionally. Sure, the strength factor is always good depending on the kind of story and character you have, but I am drawn to female characters who elude a sense of “I’m going to get through this no matter what” attitude, have their mental/emotional breakdown somewhere in the midst of it all, pull themselves back together, and plod forward. And the big thing for me? Have actually changed through the arc of the story. For the better, or for the worse, there is some significant, obvious difference in the way that girl is at the end of the book, and it has to do, of course, with everything that has happened to that character. Active, not passive.

I am bothered by how some leading ladies allow things to happen—bad things, uncomfortable things—implying that it is okay. Yes, I’m being vague. And yes, I know, these are just books. There are books with murders, books with mobsters, books with things blowing up . . . and some of us like to say that it has no affect on youth. Maybe it doesn’t, maybe it does, I know there are studies out there, but these types of examples are abstract. Murders, mobsters, explosions….that stuff isn’t every day stuff.

But boys and the type of relationship they have with girls?

The image being portrayed with these female protagonists is concrete stuff; stuff that happens on an every day basis to some girl somewhere around the globe. It may not even be a blaring neon sign above them as they read, but if we keep banging them over the head with these types of characters, to the point they are the only types of characters in the young adult market (I’m being general and exaggerating), then subconsciously, it will seep in. What that “it” is, I’ll let you figure out (or assume) because “it” is different for all of us.

Have I been vague enough for you? :D

All of that aside, I enjoy what’s out there in the market. I think it’s good to have a variety of characters. I’m not saying what I think is a “weak” character constitutes a bad book. Because goodness knows, I’ve devoured a lot of books with passive characters in a day. What I am saying is, I really enjoy reading take-charge, work-through/overcome-the-flaws leading ladies (of course, with romance and stuff) and feel we need more of that in the market today.

I’d like to know, what kind of characters are you drawn to?

For more on this subject, check out my lady friends:

Good News Thursday

2010-04-01T09:23:00.003-05:00

Good morning! Afternoon? Maybe evening? Hope your week is going swell so far! I'm prepping for next weeks big conference out here in DFW (while letting the kids play in BEE-UUU-Tiful weather. What are YOU doing?

Some things you may want to check out. First, of course, my GREATEST BLOG CONTEST EVAR. If you like to win free books, awesome books, then all you have to do is make a few clicks, and BAM, you could win!! So easy. And share the love, spread the word!

Over at Guide to Literary Agents, they're having another Dear Lucky Agent contest. Agent Regina Brooks is looking for MG and YA!

Another contest, if you're all about picking some fantastic agent minds, check out Kathleen Ortiz and Suzie Townsend's contest here for a chance at a 12 minute Skype session!

Want some great things to read? Gretchen McNeil is one of many who are participating in the "Author Appreciation Week". Check out her interview with my friend Tracey Martin, and check out the other authors listed there to see their journey's to agenthood/publication.

Also, the Elaine English agency blog has some great stuff regarding the industry. The latest is all about knowing your audience. Some well put advice!

Lastly, keep your eye out tomorrow for Girl Power Blogging, where myself and a few others are talking about leading ladies in the YA market (the fictional leading ladies, that is).

Good Luck & Shine On!

Teaser Tuesday

2010-03-30T08:13:00.001-05:00

I’m still in shock. I actually got a B on the algebra test. Considering last Friday I was staring at my practice test, crying because I was sure I’d fail (um, hormones had some play in that, too…), when I saw my score I sat there for the better part of 5 minutes thinking how in the world I did it. I guess cramming those 6 hours of study time over the weekend actually made a difference. Who knew? ;)

More importantly, though, I can’t believe I forgot to mention something so so important in yesterday’s post. By the way, if you haven’t noticed yet, there is a CONTEST going on here for free books, so check it out. But I forgot to mention the vital part: THANKING all of my followers! *smacks forehead* It was at the forefront of my mind but somehow it slipped away when I was typing up the blog. So sorry, and thank you. Thank you for your readership, and if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be having this contest (and would have given up blogging along time ago).

With that said, here is today’s teaser. This is from MYTHIC, shortly after this teaser, where Jessa fought off some nasty daemons (at night, side of the road) and suddenly finds herself in Death’s (Thanatos’s) presence again. This time, though, he isn’t after her soul. Oh, and he is holding up an unconscious/maybe dead Zach by the neck (she pitched him into the bushes when the daemons attacked). Henry showed up to heal Jessa’s nasty wounds and is fending off the daemons while she deals with Thanatos.

****

I didn’t look away from Thanatos. Couldn’t was a more appropriate word choice. He had some freakishly strong hypnotic grip on me. As much as I tried to check on Zach, see if he was breathing, my eyes couldn’t budge.

Thanatos’s eyes seemed to glitter under the moon. Where was Paul? Cynthia? Anyone? “Let him go.”

“Come with me.”

I ground my teeth, flexed my fingers, and hoped I didn’t have an asthma attack in front of him. Metal crunched behind me. I tried to turn, to check if Henry was okay and I wasn’t about to become shredded Demi again, but my eyes wouldn’t obey. Thanatos smiled.

Fine. Different tactics, then. “So the god of death is a little errand boy, now?”

His smile faltered just a little. Something dark flashed in his eyes. I blinked, reminding myself the guy—god—wasn’t very close. But I could see every fleck of color in his eyes as if looking through a magnifying glass.

He jerked Zach up. His feet dangled. My pulse jumped to my throat. “No!”

“Then stop playing games.”

“Tell me who you’re taking me to.” More scuffling behind me. God, I wanted to look so bad.

The earth shook, cracked, throwing me off balance. I stumbled back and braced myself. I still couldn’t rip my gaze from Thanatos. The ground parted next to him. A nasty sewage smell gagged the air, and from the depths of what I guessed was the Underworld, Hypnos flew out and landed on his feet next to his brother. Thanatos’s grip on me suddenly felt stronger, like Hypnos was the catalyst.

Shit. This wasn’t cool. “Henry?”

“A little busy!”

“Henry!” Dammit, I was going all girly again. Thanatos laughed.

The air stilled. A soft hiss brushed against my ear like air escaping tires. Hypnos and Thanatos frowned.

“Let him go.”

I gasped at Paul’s voice next to me, desperately wanting to see him. I fought with all my will against the invisible chains locking my eyes in place.

Hypnos laughed. His yellow cat-like eyes were on Paul. “Little late, Apollo.”

Cynthia’s scream rippled down my spine. My feet went in motion to turn, but my head couldn’t follow through. “Thanatos! I’m not going to do crap for you if you keep me like this.”

“They’re okay,” Paul said about Cynthia and Henry.

“How do I stop whatever he’s doing to me?” I whispered through my teeth.

Thanatos tilted his head. “I’ve little patience. Come now, or lose your friend.”

Paul’s sharp intake of breath couldn’t be a good sign. I couldn’t see him, but literally felt his entire body go tense.

I had to get out of Thanatos’s grip. If only he’d stop looking at me. I wasn’t sure if that was the trick, but seeing as he hadn’t taken his eyes off me the handful of seconds that passed . . .

I smiled, trying to look past the god of death. “It’s about time you showed up.”

I hoped Paul wouldn’t give me away and enjoyed the brief look of confusion on Thanatos’s face. I was playing on his instincts here, and he bought it. In the millimeter of a second it took to glance behind him, I broke my gaze and looked at Paul.

He held up my sword and touched my shoulder. “I got Hypnos.” His healing warmth revitalized my lungs and body.

I grabbed my weapon, threw a glance to Henry and Cynthia to make sure they had things handled, and then charged Thanatos. Hypnos flew in my way with a feral growl. In a streak of gold, Paul tackled him to the side. My sword leveled under Thanatos’s chin. It sucked not being able to revel at the look in his eyes. I stared at his nose, instead, afraid I’d become visually paralyzed otherwise.

“I don’t bargain with people trying to kill me.” I pushed the blade up, making him raise his chin.

The Greatest Blog Contest EVAR

2010-03-28T21:05:00.012-05:00

By the time I get to see this post again, I'll have made it out alive (hopefully), even if half of my brain has been mashed into pulp by the algebra test today. Nothing that can’t be fixed by The Mom getting my hair done for an early birthday present (oh yeah, hitting a new decade in two weeks….eeek!) But since I haven't had to divide polynomials and figure out what a real zero of one is yet today, my brain is very much alive and kicking and introducing to you today THE GREATEST BLOG CONTEST EVAR (on this blog, anyway...)

To celebrate getting close to 100 followers on blogger (and to help reach that milestone) and nearly 400 on twitter, I figured, why not? It’s pretty simple: fill out the little thingie majig below for points, I’ll randomly “draw” next Monday, and announce 1 OR 2 winners (depending on results).

The prizes?

Well, so glad you asked. Brand spankin’ new copies of one of the following books:

TWILIGHT: THE GRAPHIC NOVEL VOLUME 1,

or (to celebrate it's movie release and because it's cool)

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID.

I’m all about choices, see? Hopefully I've done well and there's something there you'll enjoy! The more points, the more you're entered in the drawing!

Friday's Feeding the Muse

2010-03-26T10:57:00.003-05:00

Good morning/afternoon/evening (depending on when you're reading this)!

I'm back with a new, yummy treat to feed your muse with. It's a drink this time. If you like coffee, peanut butter, chocolate, and bananas, you're going to like this! If not, well then, you should try it anyway! It's delicious.

My neighbor friend actually sent me a recipe similar to this that I then changed into what I enjoyed best. So feel free to do the same and mess with the ingredients to fit your taste.

The Muse's Frappuccino

1/2 c milk
1/2 c cold coffee (can be stored in the fridge for a few days and still taste fresh)
2 tbs of cocoa or chocolate syrup
1 tbs peanut butter
1 banana
flax seed if you're wanting to be extra healthy
ice

Add it all to the blender and hit blend! Add more coffee/milk to get your desired consistency. Me? I'd be adding more coffee :-P

Throw in a straw and enjoy!

Bon Appétit & Shine On!

Good News Thursday

2010-03-25T16:22:00.004-05:00

Hope everyone is having a great week so far. Hump day is past, and only one day left to go! With that, here is some "Good News" for today:

The Great Expectations Contest for my regional RWA announced winners this weekend. I placed 3rd!

Secondly, I want to announce a friend of mine getting an agent but am waiting on her okay to do so. Will edit here when/if I get the go ahead!

Contests (because who doesn't like 'em?)

The Hiding Spot is giving away VINTAGE VERONICA by Erica S. Pearl.
Agent Suzie Townsend is giving away a copy of HOURGLASS, the third in Claudia Grey's Evernight series.
The wonderful and ever-talented ladies, Laura & Lisa, are giving away THE BODY FINDER by Kimberley Derting (and go check out the review!)
Writers, write a blog, win a book! Check out Corrine Jackson and her Writing Process series to get more deets on the contest.
Keep an eye on QueryTracker's blog, I here Monday they will post a new contest!
Also on Monday, agent Kathleen Ortiz will announce her EPIC CONTEST. Prizes include an 8 minute skype conversation with her and agent Suzie Townsend. Snap!

Other cool stuff:

Krista V. interviewed Mary Kole of Andrea Brown Literary Agency. And The Knight Agency is having another chat tonight, 9pm EST.

Also, I'm going to be announcing my own contest soon since I'm nearing 100 blogger followers and 400 twitter followers. I'm figuring out what to giveaway as we speak! Er, read?

And lastly, I have to share this, because it's good news for me. We (my husband and I) are in production of the book trailer for MYTHIC. Here is the 3D image that will show up near the end of the trailer:

Is this totally rockin' or what?

And if the smiley face flag didn't make you smile, maybe this will:

Shine On!

Sunny Days

2010-03-24T16:46:00.004-05:00

I skipped Teaser Tuesday this week but will have one up next week. The weather, for once, even after a snowy weekend, has been fantastic. So I've been living it up in the backyard with the kids, soaking in as much as possible before I'm sure it will rain for weeks or something.

The good news is my muse is wide awake and tackling my brain, most especially at night when I'm suppose to be sleeping. Good, because I need my muse and can't wait to go full steam ahead on the WIP, but bad when I actually need the sleep. I keep a journal on my nightstand that I write on (and thanks to the baby monitor light I can see sort of where I'm writing and don't have to decipher it in the morning) and a digital voice recorder in my purse. But I'm weird. I don't like people to read my notes, or hear me make them verbally. I have no idea why. Self-consciousness, maybe?

What habits do you have for keeping the muse's recordings? And where are some odd places they've struck you? The shower isn't really odd to me anymore now that after reading something about the hot water doing something to some part of the brain, opening it up to more creativity (so, writers, hit a wall? Go take a hot shower with the WIP on the brain.)

With that, I'm off to the backyard again. See you for Good News Thursday!

Shine On!

Snow, Rabbit Poo, and Muses

2010-03-21T23:14:00.007-05:00

As I sit here, wondering why on Earth it snowed this weekend (In Texas. Two weeks before April. The heck if I'm Easter egg hunting in flakes!), I also come to realize, CRAP, I need to post something for Monday!

How was everyone's Spring Break? Assuming you have the same schedule as me, and assuming you even get a chance to "celebrate"/"enjoy" it. From a mother's perspective, yes, I enjoyed it. From a writer's perspective, um, no? Can't work when you have a kid(s) hanging on your legs every second, burning holes in your computer screen with her glare! So, I lived it up as Mom and enjoyed adventures in the sun, "fishing" on the "boat" (slide) in the backyard, exploring the Stockyards and watching the cattle drive, and running in horror for my one-year-old who decided picking up rabbit poop was something she had to do. At least I got to her before she thought about taste testing (yes, I went there.)

Aside from poop grabbing and a few tantrum-throwing girls, the week was good. But I missed writing. Not that I had anything to write at the time. I thought I had a certain Middle Grade WIP to work on, but that muse has left the building. Not indefinitely.

My sequel muse has come to badger me, so you can guess what I've now started. But I'd like to know how others deal with more than one idea vying for your creative attention? I use to not have this problem. I use to be able to set my mind on one goal, focus, and write it, get it done, viola. Though I've always been ADD, suddenly I've gone creative ADD and have had a hard time zeroing in on what I need to work on. I guess, in the end, for me, it's The Muse. The story, whichever one seems to call to me the loudest, and then I just have to learn how to ignore the other ones until it's their time. Tell me, though, what do YOU do?

Good News Thursday

2010-03-18T07:46:00.002-05:00

So today I head out with the girls to the Fort Worth Stockyard. It’s become an annual thing, but baby this morning has made sure I don’t get anything done before hand, including typing this blog! I’ll have to keep it short and sweet, but following is a list of some news and contests going on!

Head over to Lisa & Laura’s blog to check out the interview with Lee Nichols and comment for a chance to win HAND ME DOWN.

For some serious Twilight swag, and I mean serious, check out Kim Franklin’s blog and see how to enter!

Every week, enter in a chance to win a free book over at Books on the House!

Books, query and first pages critique prizes at Steph Bowes' Hey! Teenager of the Year!

And the most exciting news of all is my writing friend, Jen K. Blom, had her precious, beautiful baby girl! Be sure to go and congrats her!

Now for Some Awesome Awards!

from Suzette Saxton and Bethany Wiggins, thanks!

Here’s my short and sweet list because of time crunch (and let me tell you people, these awards are hard to give out! I love all the blogs I follow):

thanks to Tiffany and Hayley for this humbling award!

Because of time constraints, I can’t list the 7 things about myself, but I’ll pass it on to 5 beautiful bloggers (out of many):

Hope you guys have as good of weather as I do today. We may even plant mammoth sunflowers tomorrow (should be interesting….).

Peace Out & Shine On!

Teaser Tuesday

2010-03-15T20:55:00.004-05:00

For Teaser Tuesday this week, I give you a little more of my MG WIP. Unfortunately, Ms. MG Muse is playing coy, and I haven't gotten too far in writing it yet. Darn muses can be stubborn. Or perhaps it's a sign I should stick to YA. <----things that keep me up at night.

Anyway, this takes place after the blurb mentioned at the bottom of this post.

***

By the time they arrived home, Gavin came to the conclusion he would’ve been better off going to school in his swimming trunks. His shoes squished over the welcome mat, his socks perhaps permanently suctioned to his skin, and rain drops slid down his cheeks and dripped off his nose. The Weather Man needed to be fired.

Lainey ran inside first, immediately met by their mother.

“Not on the carpet.” His mom ushered Lainey to the side and stared at Gavin. “Well, hurry up, come in! You guys are soaked to the bone.” She growled. Gavin was pretty sure it was to herself. She did that often. “I knew I should’ve sent an umbrella just in case. ‘All day sunshine’ my rear.”

Lainey giggled.

Mom, always prepared, handed her a towel and a set of clothes. “Hurry up and change.”

Gavin watched his sopping wet sister leave a small river trailing behind her as she stepped into the half bathroom under the stairs.

“How was school?” His mom asked, then attacked him with a towel over the head, rubbing so fast he had to wonder if he’d have any hair left when she finished.

“Ag, mom, cut it out!” He pushed her hands away, running his own through his untamable, even curlier-now-wet, mop of hair. He didn’t fail to notice the downturn of her lips and irritated green eyes beneath a sheet of brown bangs.

He almost forgot about the necklace. “You’ll never guess what hap—”

“All yours, electro-boy.”

Gavin quirked a brow at the attempted insult. Lainey rolled her eyes and pointed to his hair. Oh, right, crazy hair. “Lame, Lainey. Very, very lame.” He brushed past her with a bundle of dry clothes and stepped into the bathroom.

“Wait one second.”

Gavin flinched and stopped in his tracks at that tone in his mom’s voice. The kind of tone that meant a grounding was coming, or even worse, all of his Gordon McGrim stuff would be packed and thrown in the attic for an unknown amount of time. What had he done, now?

His mom’s hands rested high on her hips and that all-knowing glare she was so good at giving set her face to match the tone. Uh oh. If only he could remember what he’d done wrong.

“You never answered. How was school?”

“Uh, erm.” Gavin fidgeted with the dripping cords of his brown hoodie. “Fine?”

She stepped over to the foyer table. Lainey stopped halfway up the stairs, no doubt to be nosey. Next to the skinny lamp sat a small pile of papers. Familiar papers. Research papers. Oh, man. Not good.

In one motion, she whisked them in her hands, and was suddenly in his face, waving them. “This was due today, wasn’t it?”

“Well—”

The papers smacked her thigh and she sighed. “Really, Gavin? What excuse are you going to give me, now?”

“I forgot?”

“Good thing ‘forgot’ starts with an ‘F’, because I’m fairly sure that’s what you’re getting in history.”

The Human Perception & Reflection

2010-03-15T09:36:00.003-05:00

Having kids, I think, has improved my writing skills. Sounds crazy, I’m sure, but I’m serious. And I promise I haven’t had anything to drink. Yet. (Kids attribute to that, too.) I’ve mentioned it before, how my kids have helped me become a better writer. Every now and again I get into those deep-thinking modes (scary, I know), and today was one of those days.

My eldest is now 4 and ¾s. And don’t just say 4, she’ll be sure to correct rather proudly that she, indeed, is not 4, but 4 and ¾s. My youngest is reaching the 14 month mark, and OMG, people, I can’t even REMEMBER what Big A was like when she was 14 months. Sad, right? If it weren’t for all the videos and pictures, I’d be like, the worst mom ever. But I got to thinking about perceptions, specifically our perception of time, and how skewed it is (at least for me). Almost 5 years have passed, and while it seems to have flown by in light years, as if a hyper-drive was bolted onto her diaper, it also feels like for.ever.ago that she was my little chunky baby. A serious amount of forever ago. Like, half my lifetime forever ago. It doesn’t make sense to feel two perceptions of time at the same, um . . .time. But somehow, that’s how it works in my head.

This example made me think about our characters in the stories we put them in. How, sometimes, it takes a critical eye to look into the mind of that character and pull out the perceptions he/she has of what is going on around them. There are some books I’ve read that I feel fall flat on this subject. Not mentioning any specifically, but I’m sure you could think of one. An MC’s life takes a gigantic course change, her/his reality has been flipped on its ass, and with all the action and face pacedness (it’s a word now, yo), they’re forced to go with the flow. But when things settle down, near the end of the book, a lot of MCs fail to have that “Holy crap, my life HAS changed inside out. It will never be the same again.” type of reflection. Missing what it use to be like, thinking back on when things use to be simpler, less complicated, weird, or horrendous.

Is it because readers don’t care to read that stuff? I’m not sure. I personally think it makes the character more real, more relatable, more fleshy. A personal example that comes to mind for me is theater. I remember (waaaay back in the day) being so wrapped up in a theater production, living it, breathing it, loving it so much it ruled my life, that when the show was over, the final hurrah, something inside of me felt empty. A hole—a physically hurting hole—of what I’d never have again. You can’t go back and relive that. You can’t try and remake that moment in life, it would never happen exactly the same. I lose a sense of this in a lot of books, where an MC has lost something that use to be a major part of them, or an experience that rocked them out of their socks and it’s ended.

So anyway, that’s my deep thoughtful rant for the month. Almost 5 years ago, I became a mom. Only 5 years, and I can’t even imagine what life was like without kids. I feel like I’ve had my girls all my life. Like they’ve always been there. I can’t unwrap this perception and see what life use to be like without them. And I have to wonder if we’re made that way, so that it’s easier to conform to change, adjust, and become more resilient. Or maybe I’m the only one that thinks about this stuff, therefore classifying me as a nutso.

Friday Feeding the Muse

2010-03-12T09:35:00.005-06:00

I thought I'd try out something new. I love cooking (specifically baking) and, well, obviously love writing. So I figured why not blog a recipe every now and then? Not sure I'd do this every Friday, but let me know if you even care to see recipes here! I personally love to snack when I write. A really bad habit probably, but oh well. My muse likes it, and maybe it's tax deductible?

Feel free to give me a shout out on whether I should do this again or not. I don't want to put up stuff that people have no interest in.

This Friday's Feeding the Muse Recipe (which I'm classifying as fairly healthy--it got fruit and oats!):

Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1/3 cup butter

1/3 cup of brown sugar

1 egg

3/4 cup old-fashioned oats

3/4 cup flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

handfuls of craisins (or dried cranberries) and white chocolate chips (your desired amount)

Yields: 2 dozen small-medium drop cookies or 1 dozen large cookies

Directions:

Heat oven to 375. Cream butter and sugar, then add egg and mix well. In another bowl, add all the dry ingredients except craisins and chocolate and mix. In small portions, add the dry mixture to the butter mixture and stir well. Fold in craisins and chocolate chips. Drop by spoonfuls on an ungreased cookie sheet. The rise up, not out, so if you want more of a cookie shape, flatted with fork. Bake for 10 minutes.

Enjoy, and Shine on!

Good News Thursday

2010-03-11T09:28:00.010-06:00

<----Baby A says "Have a pigtastic day!"

This Thursday won't beat the last two with all the amazing news that had gone on the past 2 weeks. But, I still have something!

Contests that end today or soon (so get crackin'!):

Over at Kim Franklin's, win a copy of HUSH, HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick

Elana Johnson's Fantabulous Followers Giveaway, pretty self explanatory, right?

Suzette Saxton and Bethany Wiggins are doing another awesome giveaway (including submission/Critique Contest with agent Suzie Townsend of FinePrintLit!) Check it out.

Margo Cole's blog contest for the giveaway of THE ORDER OF ODD-FISH by James Kennedy (details in comment section of this post).

Contests you have all month for:

Over at The Knight Agency, every Tuesday is a book giveaway. Be sure to check it out next Tuesday to see what you could win!

The Hiding Spot is giving away a copy of SING ME TO SLEEP by Anegla Morrison.

Lisa Desrochers is giving away a signed ARC or copy of PERSONAL DEMONS for the month of March giveaways.

If you have more contests to announce (or GOOD NEWS!) please feel free to add to comments!

Good luck and have a great rest of the week!

Shine On!

Teaser Tuesday

2010-03-08T20:58:00.006-06:00

This weekend, I actually got some writing done on the new MG WIP (boy us writers like our anagrams.) Aside from getting kicked out of my frequented coffee shop an hour after closing (um, they changed their hours and I had no idea, and the lights went off--they must've forgotten I was there--the music was out, and I was like...oooo-kay.) I'd only allotted half my work time there, so I decided I'd try the new Frozen Yogurt shop Tiffany Neal introduced me to. Because, along with anagrams, us writers like places that feed our muse. Whether it be coffee or a zillion different flavors of frozen yogurt, with all the toppings to go with. Seriously. Obsessed, people. You would be too, read this! (more on Frozen Yogurt place later.)

Anyway, I had planned to share some of that MG WIP for Teaser Tuesday. But then realized as I fell asleep last night I'd somehow managed to write the ending of the story. THE ENDING. I never write out of order, but it just didn't seem to work as the beginning (I liked the previous teaser as the beginning, even if it does start right away with the inciting incident.) And I can't rightly share the ending of a book I haven't completed yet, sooooo, I thought I'd shake it up a bit and give you something from THE LAST MAGE (fantasy fantasy). Since I missed the Valentines Day blogging Kiss Fest or whatever the heck it was, I give you the kissing scene. This happens near the end of the book, so without diluting this with a ton of "back story", I'll just say Lusa's a mage, Kaden's the bounty hunter that caught her to turn her in, and now he's keeping her from escaping as she finishes this mission the empire has given her instead of sending her to the gallows. Long sentence. Hah! And long excerpt, beginning with her saying he's been meaning to make her feel foolish (she's recovering from battle):

He was luring out every ounce of anger she had the strength to launch at him. “Please! Lalimore? The festival? And the,” she hated stuttering over the bathhouse incident and decided a cough would be a good excuse for losing track of her words. “—bathhouse, then the griffins, in Myttica. What was all of that if not some ploy to keep me in check? Playing with my feelings, Kaden. Making me feel foolish for thinking . . .” She stopped, realizing her candor was about to reveal more than she intended.

“For thinkin’ what?” Either the lantern light was playing tricks on her or he’d somehow managed to shift closer.

“Nothing,” she said curtly.

His face looked like it’d been etched in stone, strong, rigid, perfect. She was disgusted with herself for letting her thoughts go that direction, and tried ignoring whatever look he was giving her. He hadn’t given her a chance to know him, know who he really was, and she was growing tired of trying to figure him out.

“Foolish for thinkin’ what?”

“Nothing. Just leave me alone.”

“Tell me.”

“Tell you?” Her voice abandoned softness and he took the cue to sit up and give her more space. “Kaden, why should I tell you anything? You say I’m stubborn? You’re the most closed-off person I’ve ever known. I don’t know anything about you other than what you are and you expect me to just talk to you as if there weren’t any problems between us? ‘Cause there are. Plenty. So I ain’t talkin’ ‘til you do.” She crossed her arms.

It didn’t help the situation any that he was trying to cover his amusement. He couldn’t hide it from her and it only brought on more anger. She was tired, hungry, and thirsty. She wanted to be left alone and regretted even asking him to talk. She glanced over to Vallas, the man sleeping like a baby, and the snake of envy coiled around her chest.

“I can do that.”

Lusa jerked her head back to him and parted her lips to say something then thought better of it and sealed them. She’d wanted to know more about him for a long time and wasn’t about to let her ire ruin a chance at having it. She stared at him expectantly.

“Right, well.” He scratched the back of his neck and let out a sigh, shifting his gaze to the tent. “Not really sure what ya wanna know.”

She made a point to let the silence linger long and uncomfortable before she answered him, happy to be in control of who’d be feeling foolish for once. “Why are you here?”

His eyes found hers. She wanted to shy away but forced herself to stand her ground. Lusa wasn’t in control like she’d thought, back to feeling foolish again with the reverent look he gave her.

“You really think I’m here just to keep you from runnin’?”

She was afraid to answer.

He sighed and leaned in closer, taking her hands in his. His damp palms sent waves of warmth through her body despite the frigid air around her. She wanted to pull away but couldn’t seem to convince her body to move. Instead, she concentrated on not breathing erratically.

“Lusa, no man, let alone a bounty hunter, is foolish enough to run ‘round fightin’ for Izier while tryin’ ta’ keep a mage on a leash unless there was more to it than the reward.”

Her efforts of breathing normal were pointless. She shook her head. “No. You said it. More than once.”

“To the right people, yeah.”

“No, you said it to me. The festival. You said you’d be there to make sure I wouldn’t run.”

His hold on her hands lessened and his shoulders slouched. “For so long I’ve made it a point ta’ be alone. I was afraid to let you in.”

In the span of a breath, Lusa’s pent up emotions slammed her in the stomach. She had convinced herself there was no chance to fulfill the feelings she’d grown to have for him. In one conversation not interrupted by arrogant imperials, threatening monsters or painful injuries, she almost had what she wanted. Him.

But Lusa still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. It was hard to grasp after believing for so long it was a torturous, one way journey she’d been on. Words failed her. Her hands were sweaty with his, the lantern light flickered across his face, and in that moment she wanted to stay there forever, holding onto him, staring into his eyes.

“I had every intention of turnin’ you in and collectin’ the reward. I didn’t wanna like you. I wanted to prove I could do somethin’ right for once, somethin’ better than anyone else. Its easy bein’ who I am around others who don’t know. But those that know, know I’m an outcast, disowned by both bloods. S’why bounty huntin’ serves me best. I don’t need no one and no one needs me. I don’t hafta worry ‘bout belongin’. I did what I had to ta’ keep you from escapin’. I’m sorry for trickin’ you.” He rubbed his thumb on her wrist.

A tremble started below her navel and traveled up through her chest. Her heart beat harder, threatening to mute out whatever he had to say next.

“But when they put you in the dungeons, sentencin’ you to the gallows, I knew I’d made a mistake.”

Flames seemed to burst in her stomach, blazing a path through every vein and every limb. She couldn’t explain to herself what it was she was feeling. The most treasured thing in the world. Nothing mattered but this. Her heart felt like it was swelling out of her chest. She squeezed her fingers tighter around his.

“I almost lost you more times than I care ta’ think about, Lusa. I ain’t gonna let you go to Lazorious alone, not if I can keep from losin’ you forever.” With gentle ease, Kaden pulled her closer. When the bundled up blankets between them made it impossible for her to be pulled any further, he leaned in. His peppermint breath brushed against her lips. She couldn’t help but wonder what he’d been eating but when his lips grazed hers all thoughts fled her mind.

Lusa closed her eyes as a million butterflies burst from the cocoon that was her heart and pressed her lips to his. His hands found her face, caressed her cheeks, pushed her hair behind her ears, and held the back of her head with a ravenous desire. She’d never felt this passionate about anyone or anything in her life, not even the false notion of power the Magics had tried to implant in her mind. It was raw, real, and pure. Lusa was scared to let go, afraid to stop. She feared as soon as it was over it would vanish, slip away with reality. A reality that was destined to kill one if not both of them in the next few days. In her mind, her own voice warned her that this was a mistake, a path to more heartache. But at this moment, she knew all the heartache, all the pain, all the torture and evil in the world was worth facing if it meant having his love.

Kaden sucked gently on her lower lip, kissing the corners of her mouth, her chin, teasing her. His scent stimulated her, made her want control. She caught his lips with hers and savored his sweet, peppermint salted taste. His arms tensed as she ran her fingers up them, over the hard planes of his shoulders and behind his damp neck. She’d never been kissed before, not like this. There’d never been a boy worth risking feelings for. Kaden was worth risking everything.

She let him lay her back on the cot. He was careful, as if she were the most precious, fragile thing to him. She kissed him deeper until they finally had to break for breath. The cot was small but managed not to break under the pressure of two. He rolled onto his side and propped his elbow up, resting his head in his hand. His lopsided grin prompted her own smile and she rubbed her lips together, sure she was blushing.

He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and she pushed his bronze hair behind his shoulder and traced his jaw line with her fingertip. She wanted more of him and wondered if he felt the same. His eyes seemed to smolder over her body, his fingers running up and down her arm, leaving tiny bumps in their wake.

***

Conversation begins here. Wanted to make sure that was noted. It didn’t stop here for other reasons :P

Book to Movie Stinkage

2010-03-08T08:29:00.007-06:00

Why? That’s the question I asked myself a gazillion times while sitting rather uncomfortably (headrest in front of me digging in my heels, ow) in the theater chair, staring with jaw open at Percy Jackson. Not at his cute looks (cause I mean, he is a cute kid) but at the fact the movie does not follow the books plot ONE STINKIN’ BIT.

Why is it sometimes movies don’t even TRY to follow the book? I get that movies can’t be as long and some things need to be cut. But to change the entire plot, antagonist, mess with the subplots (and um, take away important mystery), plus cut out important characters? That’s just ridiculous poo poo. Now, it wasn’t a bad movie (aside from some cheesy parts/acting every now and again.) But for fans of Percy Jackson, it’s disappointing. How hard is it, screen writers/directors/whoever-the-heck-makes-these-decisions? How hard is it to keep true to the story in some way? WHY must you try and change it (probably in an effort to make it “better”) and ruin it?

And why do writers, creators of these stories, not have more of a say? Do they really just sign all those rights away and watch in horror as their story gets transformed into something completely different (for the most part)? Yet I’ve seen other adaptations that followed the story fairly well.

So the question is: does it all boil down to the contract between the agent/writer and the production company that wants to buy the rights for film? Or are film rights generally the same thing and authors just luck out when they have someone willing to let them have a little creative control (or is that completely absurd, do authors ever have creative control? Aside from being like, Stephen King.)

At least the cover and the poster resemble each other somewhat (not that the SCENE does.) Meh. If you haven't seen the movie yet, hopefully I've just lowered your expectations so it won't suck as bad for you. But be prepared.

End rant.

Good News Thursday

2010-03-04T10:24:00.006-06:00

I'm so excited to announce my writer friend, Jen K. Blom, has sold her debut, POSSUM SUMMER to Holiday House, due out Fall 2011!! Be sure to visit her announcement here and congratulate her!

Also, another awesome person I'm thrilled to say I know, Debra Driza, has landed herself an agent! Since she hasn't posted any specifics yet, I'm leaving that up to her, but Squeee to both these wonderful writer ladies!

In contest news, we've got some book give-aways: win SCARLET FEVER over at the KT Literary blog by commenting what your Oscar speech (or some fab award) would sound like. Over at Lisa and Laura's blog, they've not only interviewed Joy Prebble, author of DREAMING ANASTASIA (yes, THAT Anastasia, people), they are giving away a free copy and it looks awesome! And over at Guide to Literary Agents, they are having another Dear Lucky Agent Contest for those who have a completed YA or adult paranormal or urban fantasy. Submit your first 250 words of your completed ms in that genre, and good luck!

And lastly, if you haven't checked out Krista V.'s blog, and you love reading agent interviews, you must go read now! She's been doing a great job.

Good News Thursday will hopefully be a regular thing with, um, well, good news, and any sort of contests and stuff I think is GOOD!

PS: If you have any other contest or good news to link to, please feel free to in the comments!!

Shine On!

Awards, Weirdness and Castle

2010-03-01T20:04:00.006-06:00

Kim Franklin awarded me this sleek "Stylish Blogger" award *blush* *coughcoughI'mnotreallycoughcough*. But because it's fun, and I love talking about myself (shhh) I'm going to follow in her footsteps and list 5 fun-tastic things about me. Because, I mean, come on, I'm fun, right? Right?!Just nod your head and I'll go with that. ;-) I'm also going to award this to other fantastic stylish bloggers. Here goes:

1. I'm not afraid to be weird in public. Seriously! I mean, shoot, we got one life to live, might as well have fun doing it. See below for evidence.

2. I'll always take on a dare (so long as it isn't something that'll get me arrested or includes streaking, cause um, yeah, very modest over here)

3. I'll sing anything you ask me too, whether I know it or not. An example: writing workshop peeps go to I-Hop after workshop. Someone was talking about some song (gah, now I can't remember...but "I Will Survive" is stuck in my head right now, so we'll pretend it's that). I started singing it (not very prettily mind you) just because it felt like a good thing to do at the time.

4. I love games. So much, that I've banned myself from any type of online gaming, because my family would never, ever, ever EVER see me again. Seriously, I'm an addict. When I found out I was pregnant with Big A, I sold my Playstation. But, if it's a party or hanging out, I'm game (pun intended). And very competitive!

5. I love entertaining. That has to fall somewhere in the fun-tastic category, right? And now for further proof of me not mind doing wacky, cooky things in public (and that I have some awesomely, equally wacky and cool friends) me at a friends 80s birthday bash (wearing the blue and trying to wink--never have been a good winker):

Now for my recipients:

1. Lisa and Laura Roecker (for being continuously entertaining and just stylish ladies themselves!)

2. Krista V. over at "Mother. Write. (Repeat.)" because, well, her name sounds like mine! And also, she has some spectacular agent interviews over at her blog, and is just all around a stylish person! Go check her out!
3. Amy Bai over at "Purple Patch" because her humor is stylish (and rib-cracking hilarious) and she's just full of awesomeness.

Chosen Ones! Your rules are to list 5 fun-tastic things about yourself and pass along the award. Enjoy! And now I'm off to see CASTLE. What's that? If you haven't seen it and don't go check it out tonight, I might just have to beat you. Really. It's got this:

and this:

Yes, ladies, a series with the main character as an AUTHOR (PS, his name is Nathan Fillion, but I'm sure you already knew that). Crime author, to be exact, and he gets to ride along side this lovely lady detective:

Worth a thousand words, eh? So go see it, ABC, Monday nights, 9pm CST. Get thee yonder!

Need an Agent's Thoughts on Your Query?

2010-02-26T23:37:00.004-06:00

Joanna Stampfel-Volpe is doing a query contest tomorrow from 12pm EST to 1pm EST. Can YOU handle the truth? Jo will respond to any queries received that hour with 100% honesty. You may see something as simple as "Not bad, but just not for me." or "I don't represent academic non-fiction." OR you may see something like "I stopped reading when you mentioned that the mailman was a vampire space zombie who has come to deliver a message of PAIN. Because come on...seriously?"

For all the juicy deets, go to agent Kathleen Ortiz's blog, The Neverending Page Turner.

See, it's agents like these that put the "rock" in Rock Star. Good luck to any who "enter"!

Good News Thursday

2010-02-25T21:18:00.005-06:00

Today has been a great, positive day for a lot of people I know. So let me start congratulating some!

First, a HUGE congrats to YA author Jennifer Walkup, who I had the honor of beta reading for, and her AWESOME "acquisition"of literary agent Kathleen Ortiz of Barbara Lowenstein. Champaign to you, Jenn, that's so freakin' fantastic!! Salute! And I'm sending a bunch of dancing puppies your way for celebration.

Second, to my new neighbor and fellow YA writer, Tiffany Neal, and my writing friend R. A. Burrell, who both got to the next round of ABNA (Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award). Abso-bloomin-lutely awesome! Good luck in the next round, guys.

Last, the results of the truths within the lies (see here for explanation):

1. When I was in third grade, I stuck my tongue in an ice cube box (yes, A Christmas Story was the inspiration) on a dare from my brother. It got stuck there, along with some skin after getting it pulled off. Lie- this was my older brother, and I dared him.

2. I once flew out to NY to meet some online guy friends when I was 18, upon which I ended up the only girl on a school roof while the guys were peeing off of it. When cops were sighted, I was the last to jump off. True! I know, crazy, right? I was 18, and the world was my oyster,

3. I've been to 25 of the 50 states, most of them road trips. Ug. Lie. Only been to *counts* Um, 5 states, not including Texas, and not including drivebys.

4. I met my husband when I was Daffy Duck and he was Batman. Love at first sight. True! Long, horribly romantic story I'll have to share at another point in time.

5. I broke my femur while trying motor cross and it hurt like bloody hell. I never rode again after that. Lie. That would be my husband. Hence the batman. He liked stunts.

6. I dropped Big A on her head when she was a baby. Husband never lets me live it down. Lie. Again, husband. And technically, she rolled off the changing table, and bounced off an open drawer before landing on the floor. Yeah . . . and to think he's more safety freakish than I am!

7. I got pulled over once and had to take a sobriety test. It was late, I hadn't been drinking (but was tired) and I failed! I was taken to the police station until my parents came to get me out. Um, mortifying. Lie. My mom got pulled over though, and was the inspiration for this.

And there you have it! Hope everyone has a fantastic Friday!